SIMON SAMUEL

2011-05-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

I am so lost.

So tell me what's my crime....

2010-07-09T01:18:00.002+08:00

I have lost the plot.

2010-07-04T12:51:00.001+08:00

A blog is supposed to be a dairy, an outlet of sorts for you to channel your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions into writing. It is supposed to help you release your joy, anticipation, frustrations, anger into words, so that normalcy will resume. That's what a blog is for me, that is.

Few weeks ago, a friend knew that I'm feeling down since the exams, given the bleak outlook on stepping into the coporate world and such. I told her I'll put everything into words to relieve the suppressed thoughts. I did not.

I read what I write. And you will realise that I am full of mixed emotions and signals. Not that I do not know what I want, which for the record I do know, but it is the resurgence of feelings I will experience again when I read my posts. Some make me smile, some make me laugh, some make me sad, some make me teary. Neutrality is preferred over the spectrum of emotions.

~~Some promises, though made, but can never be fulfilled.~~

2010-06-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,
you know that you have nil chance of being together,
not in this life-time anyway..
But you still want to be there,
just for that special person..

Ready to catch her if she falls,
ready to lend her a listening ear,
ready for her in every way possible..

All that,
just to be there,
if she turns around one day..

Ain't it laughable?

Yes, I do laugh at myself sometimes..

2010-06-26T14:21:00.000+08:00

I have been staring at the blinking cursor for like 10min before deciding what to write. Lol.. If you know me, you will know me to be a sentimental person who likes to reminisce about the past. Anyhow, it's time for some updates.

Exams are finally over! Monetary Economics is a killer subject, or so it seems to me. But I think the paper itself is somewhat manageable. Not too hard, not a walk-over either. Either way, I'm just glad that I have crossed the finishing line, after 6 years. Yes, 6 years of university life. For the benefit of those who are confused, I did a 2 year study in Electrical and Electronics Engineering at NTU before deciding that I don't want to be an engineer for the rest of my life; so I withdrew from my course and enrolled into SIM-UOL reading Economics and Management for the next 3 years. So now, it seems I have completed my degree, more or less. All that remains is for the final results to be out, and my convocation in April next year.

Looking back, it has been quite a ride. I know there were some who made negative remarks on my choices in life, but the support from others are of enough courage to see me for this 3 years. And I'll like to thank my family and friends, all who have stood by me through this journey. The post-NTU period was particulary trying for me, 3 months of internal conflict within myself whether I have made the correct choice. So it seems now, it was the best, and the correct decision. Given that, I'll like to thank Jared, Leon, Pele and Robin for the guidance shown in my studies.

Moving on, there were the 2 years at Starhub as a Customer Care Consultant. I entered the company a complete shithead, knowing nuts about the outside world. Jen was however, able to see a sparkle in me, and gave me the chance. Dealing with different people from all walks of life really changed me. I learned to communicate better, bring my ideas across to others more effectively. Of course, mixing with the colleagues there influenced my idea of fashion. Hahaha.. So hence my fashion sense today. Anyway, I'll like to reserve special thanks to Adam, Chiam, Michael, Dominic for grooming me, and Leon, Geraldine, Valerie, Neeky, ZW for the great friendship and wonderful times in call centre. I will try to organise another JB trip or chalet for us again this year.

Then there was AGrader with Kevan. It was filled with much fulfilled ambitions when I left. Regrets, but we all learn to live with regrets don't we? It's what which teaches us, and shapes us. I am proud though to say that I have had a hand in managing a company, no matter how small it may seem. And it's no easy feat mind you. We have to go around putting up posters in the wee hours of the night because Kevan did not want to let people see him doing it. "Paiseh lah", those were his exact words. Lol.. We managed to get the agency to where we wanted it to be, but alas, the partnership did not go as plan. I will say that I am bored of customers bargaining over 50 cents, and Kevan's authoritative and overbearing manner. So, it's best for us if I leave, since he came up with the idea of the agency anyway. Anyhow, I'm still grateful for the chance to work together with him, and experiencing the inner workings of running a company. Thanks Kevan, and I wish you all the best with AGrader.

Oh, not to forget Sherlynn, my ex-girlfriend. Yes, she left me for greener pastures, indirectly causing the cascade of events from NTU. No I no longer love her, but we remain as friends, close friends in fact. Funny thing isn't it? In 2005 I was telling her how I envisioned our lives together, and now, 5 years later, I'm giving her my congratulatory wishes on her pregnancy, nearly 9 months in fact. Congrats Sher, and thanks for the support!

Of course I did not forget you. You know who you are. Lol. Your views influenced bit part of my thinking, and your cheerful nature never fail to light up my day. You are certainly a surprise-mistake in my life, and I'm thankful for that pleasant turn of events. Thank you very much. Enjoy the fun while you can, and you know you can always come to me when things go south.

So now, the next stage of my life - work. I have gone for a few interviews - Citigold, DBS, UOB. The offers are good, within my expectations, but I have decided on DBS Branch Relationship Manager, stationed at Clementi Central. 5 weeks of training and the real thing comes. Family and friends, please do not run away when you see me or hang up when I call you ok!! :)

Cheers for the new life, new challenges, and hopefully, the void can finally be filled...

Do you remember the times of your life?

2010-05-21T13:02:00.000+08:00

3 papers down, 1 more to go!! MM paper was a shocker, but still manageable. I think 50 is a good estimation. ISORG paper was pretty easy but I screwed it up by writing out of context! OTIA paper is famous for its high failure rate (60% annual failure rate), and I could not finish it. Damn.. Hopefully can get 40 or so. Final paper on June 2 - MONEC. Have enlisted Robin's help for this.. Must get at least 50 to hit my 2nd lower.. Pray for me!!

Sometimes when the relationship gets sour, the first thing we will try to do is to resolve the issue. That is natural of course, if you love your partner. Still, there will be people out there who, instead of trying to learn the circumstances of the situation, drove straight into conclusions. Conclusions they made up from lack of information, and of course, rationality.

This will only serve to drive a larger wedge between the couple. I think pride, ego and selfishness are the 3 prime evils in any relationships. Of course there is the element of money, but that is a minor issue.

So when the relationship reaches a boiling point, the next thing that comes is - do we jump ship? Jumping ship is not an easy process. Most of us would say that they do not want to go through the process of knowing another person all over again in the future because it is tiring. True, I agree with them, but to a certain extent. I think what they are more afraid of, is getting over the current one. The effects of him/her in your life right now. The inter-dependecy, the bond the memories. You don't walk away unscathed. In fact you walk away with just as much pain in your heart as your partner.

And going into a new relationship, though the least of your worries, is impacted by the experiences of your previous ones. Bounded rationality. You are afraid, yes. I admit, I am, and that's one obstacle I cannot even clear myself. A new relationship is always a new beginning. No matter how skeptical you get, you will eventually agree on the fact it is refreshing and the sweetness in your heart keeps you going everyday.

So, to leave or not? I think the answer lies with the strength of the bond between the couple, and the courage within you to embrace another world.

2010-04-25T03:03:00.000+08:00

5 years, and I can't find someone who understands the eccentricity within me like you do. How did you ever do it? You always say that I do not allow others to know me for myself, but I tried.

Am I just alien or what?

2010-04-25T02:43:00.000+08:00

I am reading my previous post, and everything just seems so random and inconsistent.

My thoughts are not in sync. Something is troubling me but I can't put a finger on it.

I hate this feeling.

2010-04-25T02:39:00.000+08:00

A lot of things on my mind lately. Studies, exams, holidays, work.. The final exams are nearing, and I don't seem to be able to absorb the stuff on my notes. Adding to that, I can't find the motivation to sit through 6-7hrs like I used to. I can't focus. And I'm frustrated that my holiday plans are thwarted, by absolutely lousy organisers. If you don't know it yet, I detest inefficient people and I don't like to waste time. Then there is work. I am still unable to decide on which career path I want to take. I am interested in the area of business development, but it seems vacancies aren't a lot.

I realised that I don't know my friends well enough. They can do the craziest thing and still seem all normal about it. I think I'm the odd one out, or maybe I'm just not in their league. I think I never had. Some things are just unacceptable no matter how I look at it. Am I living in the 90s still?

I need to make peace with myself.

2010-04-16T16:53:00.003+08:00

It has been really really damn freaking hot these few weeks! I think the heat has fried zillions of my brain cells. LOL. Apparently it is, because I'm saying lame stuff to everyone. Headaches, butt sweats, smelly armpits, dry throat, etc etc, I think we all have them, and that got me wondering what have we done to deserve Mother Nature's wrath?

So I did some reading up, and realised that Earth is dying!! Or maybe, retaliating against our inconsiderate actions.

The pictures above are left: satellite image of the Aral Sea, 1989, and right: satellite image of the Aral Sea, 2008. As extracted from Wikipedia:-
The Aral Sea is a saline endorheic basin in Central Asia; it lies between Kazakhstan in the north and Uzbekistan, in the south. The name roughly translates as "Sea of Islands", referring to more than 1,500 islands that once dotted its waters.

Once among the four largest lakes of the world with an area of 68,000 square kilometres, the Aral Sea has been steadily shrinking since the 1960s after the rivers that fed it were diverted by Soviet Union irrigation projects. By 2007 it had declined to 10% of its original size, splitting into three lakes – the North Aral Sea and the eastern and western basins of the once far larger South Aral Sea. By 2009, the south-eastern lake had disappeared and the south-western lake retreated to a thin strip at the extreme west of the former southern sea. The maximum depth of the North Aral Sea is 42 metres (as of 2008).

The region's once prosperous fishing industry has been virtually destroyed, bringing unemployment and economic hardship. The Aral Sea region is also heavily polluted, with consequent serious public health problems. The retreat of the sea has reportedly also caused local climate change, with summers becoming hotter and drier, and winters colder and longer.

There is now an ongoing effort in Kazakhstan to save and replenish the North Aral Sea. As part of this effort, a dam project was completed in 2005; in 2008, the water level in this lake had risen by 12 metres from its lowest level in 2003. Salinity has dropped, and fish are again found in sufficient numbers for some fishing to be viable. However, the outlook for the remnants of the South Aral Sea remains bleak.

Just look at how, opportunistic behaviour of humans, fuelled by greed, can lead to such consequences. Just like this, we are close to losing one of the four largest lakes in the world! I happened to come across this article on Yahoo News about UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's visit to the area, and I was utterly shocked. And I doubt most of us even know that such lakes existed.

Here's another extract from Wikipedia:-

Global warming is the increase in the average temperature of Earth's near-surface air and oceans since the mid-
20th century and its projected continuation. Global surface temperature increased 0.74 ± 0.18 °C between the start and the end of the 20th century. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) concludes that most of the observed temperature increase since the middle of the 20th century was very likely caused by increasing concentrations of greenhouse gases resulting from human activity such as fossil fuel burning and deforestation. The IPCC also concludes that variations in natural phenomena such as solar radiation and volcanic eruptions had a small cooling effect after 1950. These basic conclusions have been endorsed by more than 40 scientific societies and academies of science, including all of the national academies of science of the major industrialized countries.

Climate model projections summarized in the latest IPCC report indicate that the global surface temperature is likely to rise a further 1.1 to 6.4 °C during the 21st century. The uncertainty in this estimate arises from the use of models with differing sensitivity to greenhouse gas concentrations and the use of differing estimates of future greenhouse gas emissions. Most studies focus on the period leading up to the year 2100. However, warming is expected to continue beyond 2100 even if emissions stop, because of the large heat capacity of the oceans and the long lifetime of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

An increase in global temperature will cause sea levels to rise and will change the amount and pattern of precipitation, probably including expansion of subtropical deserts. Warming is expected to be strongest in the Arctic and would be associated with continuing retreat of glaciers, permafrost and sea ice. Other likely effects include changes in the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, species extinctions, and changes in agricultural yields. Warming and related changes will vary from region to region around the globe, though the nature of these regional variations is uncertain.

Greenhouse effect schematic showing energy flows between space, the atmosphere, and earth's surface. Energy exchanges are expressed in watts per square meter.

So if you still do not understand, let Professor Simon put it in simple terms for you:

Our daily actions contain carbon output. For example, switching on the air-conditioner or taking your car for a spin. The carbon output will accumulate over time, and with industrialisation has led to much deforestation globally, there is just not enough trees and plants to absorb the carbon dioxide. The excess carbon dioxide are thus gathered in the upper atmosphere because of their relative lighter mass, blanketing the Earth. Isn't that a good thing? No, that is not benefical to us at all. The trapped heat from carbon dioxide output will circulate around Earth continuously, leading to unusual climate changes which is what we are facing now. The ice glaciers are already melting, and the rate at which it is going means some low lying coastal countries will be submerged within the next 100 years. Moreover, we all need sunlight to survive, especially plants. Without sunlight, Earth's temperature will fall gradually, leading to the next Ice Age. That is one scenario that we humans, also known as homosapiens, will become extinct. Yes, extinction, our desendents will perish due to our actions. You may think that in another 100 years you are long gone, laid to eternal rest, all decomposed and smelly. So you probably won't care. Stop and take a look around you, do you think your ancestors will want these to befall on you? I don't think so. Or maybe you will think that you are just one single person on Earth, surely what you do will not affect the rest much. You are absolutely wrong. What we are facing today is the accumulated effect of billions of people who thought the same way as you. These has to stop, or at the least, reduced.

Education is the way to go. Educate the people around you. Explain to them the consquences of their results. You can choose to enjoy life, the way I do. Turn off the computer if you are not going to use it rather then set it to sleep mode. Switch off that air-conditioner, and turn on your fan. Yes it may not yield the same effect, but it is little things in life that matters most. Just like love! So go on and spread the love around, start from today and you may just save a better tomorrow.

On a lighter note, take a look at this:

Leon and me were mugging at Fajar McDonald's last evening through to this morning around 5am (uber shag I tell u), and there was this group of uncles who came in to catch liver soccer telecast Almeria vs Real Madrid. Final score was Almeria 1-2 R.Madrid. This uncle in particular was damn funny! He placed bets on R.Madrid to win by 1 and 2 goals difference, so he kept commenting on the players. When C.Ronaldo squandered a few chances when he was through onto goal, the uncle said."yi boh gao gang hu lah. jit eh ai dam poh gang hu jia eh lip eh." Translated as "He not skill enough lah. This one need some skill one." Uche kept harassing R.Madrid's defence, and the uncle went,"jit eh or gui si bei lui hiam. mai ti siao leh kan ni na." Means "This blackie damn dangerous. Don't play leh. knn." And when Benzema came on, he commented,"uah ji kor gui lip lai. jit eh shi ji jia gui lai eh." Translated as "Sub in a bull. This one is a bull man." LOL!! We laugh until cramp loh. Hahaha.. Look at his sitting posture, one leg on a chair each, all at 4am in the morning. LMAO.

Oh, and yes, I finally know how to insert pictures in my posts. :))

2010-03-21T13:55:00.002+08:00

It's good to see you again..

2010-03-19T02:15:00.000+08:00

I kinda miss chatting with you..

2010-03-14T23:31:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, I want to thank Susan for her big help in designing the pictorial header. It's really nice don't you think so? Lol.. 'Carpe diem' may not be the best quote but I could not think of anything else at the moment when she asked me. Hahaha. Anyhow, it's still nice! Thank you Susan!

The recent headlines seem to be very much on local director Jack Neo and his scandals. And before that we have Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley Cole showing the world their sexcapades, all within the last few months. My, my, fame and its side effects. It seems to me that with money and fame, men tend to hunger for more. Kevan and I had this discussion once, that once you get rich, your definition of desires is at a whole new level. The scandals are somewhat like shoplifting; you are nervous and scared initially, but as you repeat the process over and over again, confidence brews in you, and you become bold and rash. That's when you get careless, and something will slip. Thank you so much for showing the world how bad us men can be. Trading your family, marriage, career for sex, lust, pleasure and thrill, is it really worth it all? What about the marriage vows made in the presence of family, relatives, and friends? Tsk. Hence the term 'dickhead'.

Exams are looming in the horizon. May it is. Give me your blessings people, for I will need them to get my 2nd Class Lower Honors! :)

2010-03-07T14:00:00.000+08:00

I have always thought that in being helpful to others, they will respond in kind to you. How stupid can I get. We live in this dog-eat-dog world of insanity. Help offered is often practically snatched off your hands without so much a word of thanks. Okay maybe they do thank you, but the sincerity of it is debateable. Sometimes, when help is constantly offered, it becomes a norm, a must that you have to offer it such that if you were to one day not do it, people will think that you are being selfish. How the fuck did we turn out like this? Beats me.

Anyhow, I only have myself to blame for this. I think I will learn to be selfish. It doesn't help for me to waste my time on others who choose to make merry and come to me in times of need. I don't want to see your pathetic face when you come begging me for help anymore; because you don't love yourself, you don't help yourself, so why should I help you?

A leopard never changes its spots.

I should really just make myself happy first, rather than the rest.

Kim Thiam asked me why are there always so many kids crowding out the Mac everyday. My reply: When you are young, you don't have much pocket money. So dining out at the Mac is considered a luxury. Of course, as you grow older, expectations and standards rise too, so your concept of luxury changes, and therefore you do not frequent the Mac.

This reminds me of what Yvonne once said,"I wish we can all remain young, like pri sch kids. No stress, no burden. Everything is so simple. I want that kind of life." Yea, I want that kind of life too. I bet we all do, but reality does not allow us the luxury. Life is about making choices, the right ones at the right time. But how many times are we truly able to choose the one most favourable to us? More often than not, it's the case of making the best choice, termed satisficing. How unsatisfying.

Alright, enough crapping, time for me to bury myself in the pile of notes. I did some calculations, and right now I need a total of 201 marks from the final 4 modules to get my 2nd Class Lower honors. I need a tremendous amount of luck and mugging. Please pray for me!

So stressed up right now, and I'm constantly stuffing myself with food. I wish someone can ask me out for ktv. I'm dying to scream my lungs out. Lol..

Je vous manque

2010-03-02T03:46:00.000+08:00

i have been drinking quite a fair bit over the past few weeks.
that's so unbecoming of me.
i have been coming home late for the past few weeks.
that's so unbecoming of me.
i have not been catching up on my revision.
that's so unbecoming of me.

i have wasted a lot of time.
that's very unbecoming of me.

it's time to stop the nonsense.

it's time to go into retreat.

i love my friends.
please love yourselves too.

2010-02-20T01:10:00.001+08:00

ok this is going to be a quick one before i get knocked out..

was out today with geraldine & wayne..
ended up in a ktv pub owned by a friend of wayne.
think it's called chit chat ktv pub or something..
anyway the next thing i know we were drinking and drinking..
and drinking..
all 3 of us were like damn high lah..
and the both of them sang..
well i didn't sing much..
but geraldine commented that my singing was quite nice..
hahaha..
thks!

ok enough of the crap..

i just wanna say,

MY THOUGHTS WERE OF YOU..
I JUST WANNA WRAP YOU IN MY ARMS & NEVER EVER LET YOU GO..

I MISS YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH

2010-02-17T11:44:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes you have a lot of things on your mind,
and you just want to unload it somewhere.
and this is my unloading bay, my outlet..
i know i have one or two readers whom i don't really know,
not personally, like bf/gf of friends or whatever..
for those who really know me,
i'm the rational man who usually will think of every scenario possible.
but when my limits are being pushed,
i can get pretty expressive and i won't hold back.
what i want to tell you is that,
i don't really care if i offend anyone in the process of verbalising my thoughts.
hmmm..
i did, but that was over a year ago..
who cares, it's over anyway, collateral and all..

i do read others' blogs.
i know i have no right to be critical of theirs,
but i just find it strange that there is so much left unsaid..

the moment which you live in now passes by even before you know it.
we know that time is precious, but not many truly grasp the underlying meaning..
the decision you make now may seem unimportant,
but it is the little things which happen in life that affect the larger part of it..

i have done things which i regretted.
and i will have to live with these regrets for life.
yes they do mould me into who i am today,
but sometimes i wish i could have done more
rather than leave things for another day.
and that day will never come..

to all my readers,
treasure the person beside you.
because your tomorrow depends on your actions today
carpe diem

je t'aime

2010-02-13T16:38:00.000+08:00

i'm just sad that we are unable to communicate..
i took pains to understand the world you came from,
your struggles, your aspirations..

have you ever bothered to understand mine??

your actions speak plainly for itself..

disappointed..
i think we can never hope to converse like others do..
that's the sad truth..

2010-02-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

why does someone has to piss me off??
i just don't understand..

if you are not doing it,
then don't point and order me about..
you are not fit to do so!!

i'm so tired of your false accusations already..
i'm not your punching bag.

i'm just afraid that one day,
i will no longer be able to suppress the rage inside of me..

i realise after so long,
i still have not forgiven you for what you have done to me..
maybe i never will,
since you have never given me any chance to..

2010-02-11T01:06:00.001+08:00

i saw the invite on facebook..
"cny reunion for zhenghua pri sch alumni"
i look at the people being invited..

sigh~

i can't remember more than half of them..
i look again..

sigh~

their lives reminds me of my failure..

sigh~

failure, and it's costs..

SIGH~

2010-02-10T02:13:00.001+08:00

revision was good today..
did quite a fair bit..
hopefully i'll complete monec by the end of next week..

had a good evening in plaza mac..
i think whenever hui zheng and i meet,
we will just talk non-stop..
lol..

there were 2 people in this world who i can't lie to..
now it's 3..

2010-02-09T09:48:00.001+08:00

you, with your little imperfections, are just perfect..

2010-02-08T18:07:00.001+08:00

i want to ask a million of u,
but i did not..
i just can't bring myself to..

maybe one day i will,
when i'm over myself..

but deep down you already know what i will ask for..

2010-02-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

"I totally wanna give u a big great hug!"
that sentence,
the feeling..
ineffable..

2010-02-06T14:59:00.002+08:00

your laughter resonates through my head

2010-02-04T20:43:00.002+08:00

i will say,
i miss you,
everyday,
in every post..

but i will not be seen as a fanatic..
i will not display my weakness..

it's enough that you know..
that's enough for me..

2010-02-03T00:57:00.000+08:00

joke of the day:

i was about to go to bed,
and guess what..
i'm afraid to sleep because i'm afraid to dream..

got a nightmare last night..
and it's been years since i last had a nightmare..

makes me feel so pathetic..
like some kid..
think i've lost my balls..
fuck man what's wrong with me

2010-02-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

the incidences of coincidences occurring are getting greater and greater..
cannot be right..
where got so 巧的..

always missing each other by a bit..
or thinking about the same stuff..
or whatever whatever..
hai~~

morning she got motion sickness..
evening i got motion sickness..
what the hell..

i wonder what's next..
hmmm

2010-01-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

exchanging stories is so fun!!
hahaha..

2010-01-30T06:38:00.000+08:00

so worried but there's nothing i can do about it..

2010-01-30T01:07:00.001+08:00

history shows that i seem to have a liking for girls who are attached..
how strangely coincidental can it get..
lol..

i woke up this morning thinking that you were here with me..
only to realise it's just a dream..

when will my dreams turn into reality..

2010-01-27T14:33:00.000+08:00

pele complained that i don't blog about him..
what the hell...
so ya..
pele, i am reserving this post just for you man..
lol..

pele is my boyfriend in school.
ya you read that right..
i'm not homo, neither is he..
but we are just. you know, broke-back brothers!!
this man is such a nice guy..
he will scan my student card for me,
chop seat for me,
lend me notes to copy,
etc etc..
so sweet right!!

ya, that's pele for you..
and he's single..
with a cute pot belly..

up for grabs i supposed??
i don't mean his tyres though..
=)

2010-01-24T22:27:00.001+08:00

someday..

one day..

=)

2010-01-22T03:53:00.000+08:00

i miss you..

but i miss you not..

2010-01-22T03:23:00.001+08:00

broken promises,
broken trust..

don't say it if you don't mean it..

2010-01-19T18:11:00.000+08:00

为何爱上你的是我
我只是路过的戏份
却又不愿升上白旗

今夜的你会想起我吗？

2010-01-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

disappointed..
but life goes on..

frustrated..
we live in a world of lies and deceit..

hope..
leon: you are hoping for too much..
am i?

headache..
tomorrow is so going to be a bad day for me..

tired..
i am having problems sleeping again..

disappointed, frustrated, hope, headache, tired..
pretty much sums up my fucked up day..

gdnite

2010-01-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

what do we all live for?

i live for hope, love,
and what that is to come..

what about you?

2010-01-17T14:59:00.000+08:00

i guess it wasn't as hard as i have imagined..
basically you just need to talk & talk,
see their reactions, body language,
guage their thoughts,
and react accordingly..
lol..
the tough part is in the sourcing and coordination..

shopping list for the new year:
1. a pair of brown leather shoes
2. new handphone
3. can i shop for money??

2010-01-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

will be in yishun in about 12hrs' time..
tinkering with the minds of potential flat buyers..
this is going to be really fun..
hahaha..
and hopefully, close a deal!
wish me luck!

2010-01-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

definitely sober now..
lol..

early celebration for neeky's birthday last night..
venue: new york new york @ citylink
activity: dinner
review: food portion is uber big, and relatively yummy too
however the service level of the staff is very low..
verdict: 8/10 (recommended dining place for large groups)

popped by wine bar to chill out..
and i have no idea why i became the one who is supposed to finish all the beer!!
i certainly did not order tt!
lol..
anyway got a little high after that..
needed a few puffs to kill off the feeling..

congrats to neeky for passing her driving test!!
yeah!! finally got one more person to chauffeur me around

2010-01-15T01:28:00.000+08:00

i'm not all that sober right now.
i mean, i still am sober, but not totally sober..
hell, in short, it means i'm a little high..
haha..

high i may be,
but i do know what i am doing right now..

hmmm...
it doesn't hurt once in a while to let my fingers run along with my heart

i just wanna tell you that,
i miss you lots..
wished that you were there with us today.

someone said that love is erratic,
like a volcano.
it erupts without warning,
spilling it's magma and toxic gases.
and all of a sudden,
it subsides as unexpectedly..

i think love is just a nurturing of bond between 2 people..
i don't believe in love at 1st sight,
maybe because i have not encounter it before..
in any case, i believe love is pure, innocent, fun, exciting..
i believe love is about acceptance, tolerance..
and with it comes the other end of the spectrum too..
i know, after 4yrs,
i'm in love again..

i lie on my bed staring at the stars,
waiting for sleep to claim my soul tonight..
where will you be my sweetheart..
why does my heart ache thus much?
do you feel the rhythmic pumping of my heart?

i hope i will never have to hear you say the final sorry to me..
i'll wait, just don't break my heart like they did..

2010-01-14T16:43:00.001+08:00

so something did happen..
just can't believe that my parents did not inform me before calling the plumber..
how many i supposed to use the bathroom??
i mean i needa get out by 6pm,
and there they are,
the plumbers trying to fix the broken toilet bowl..
and they are working like damn freaking slow!
hai~~

i wanna shheee shhhee also cannot!!
damn

2010-01-14T10:00:00.001+08:00

woke up this morning with an empty feeling..
damit
this isn't a good time for me to get all emotional.

have a bad feeling about this evening..

2010-01-13T10:06:00.003+08:00

hit the sack around 8.30pm last night..
and the next time i opened my eyes,
it 9.30am!
13hrs of sleep!
wah that's damn rare..
my daily sleeping hours average between 6-7hrs.
13hrs is twice of that already,
like i'm sleeping for 2 days!
lol..
okk enough of the crap.

contacted a few leads yesterday,
and i was pretty surprised that they want to look for a new flat.
i mean CNY is coming,
like a bit weird to change units now..
anyhow, it's still money to be earnt.
smell it!!

apparently you are not being pampered enough,
hence the illness..
hahaha..
get well soon!

2010-01-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

won't it be nice if you can wake up smiling everyday?
i'll wish for that..

i glanced at the seat beside me..
the empty seat..
how i wish you were here..
your laughter will fill the space between us,
and nothing else really matters..

2010-01-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

i felt relief washed over me..
lol..
i finally let loose..
so it's bye bye come end of jan for tuition,
and hello property!!
a bit sad to see my efforts plugged,
but lessons have been learnt,
so it's time for the next challenge..
=)

2010-01-06T00:38:00.000+08:00

this is the 2nd time you gave me that look again..
eyes that tell me you have something to say,
but just cannot bring yourself to...

one day,
i really really hope that,
you will say those magic words to me..

i just want to take you into my embrace,
and let the world fade away..

2010-01-04T15:47:00.002+08:00

i miss you

2010-01-03T03:08:00.003+08:00

it's not that i hate you or anything..
it just your attitude towards me isn't like how partners should treat each other
and we are not exactly making sufficient profits..

how do i tell you that i want out?

kevan: do u love her?
me: lol.. what a question to ask. but i guess, i am starting to. everything about her just seem perfect to me.
kevan: oh..
-silence-
me: it's kinda wrong to ask me this question isn't it?
kevan: lol..
-silence again-
me: i think she caught the rhythm to my heart.

there are just some things that once said
will forever change the bond between us..
so am i supposed to whisper them into the tin can
and bury it under the tree?

2010-01-02T02:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
it's 2010..

i hope you guys had a fantastic time at the countdown!
i was slacking at home,
with my phone and tv for company..

new year,
new beginning..
so comes the resolutions..

not much..
you know,
for the past few years,
every year is the same to me..
and so are my resolutions..

here goes my resolutions for 2010:
1. get my degree
2. earn big $$$$$
3. be happy, really happy

lol.. yup it's that simple..
of course there are others i have in mind,
but with the everchanging environment,
i don't know what will come next..
best to keep it simple..

so what is/are your new year resolution(s)?

you are the first in my thoughts when i open my eyes everyday..
i guess infatuation just took on a different level..

2009-12-28T02:02:00.000+08:00

it's the story of us..
they don't have to know..
=)

2009-12-26T22:10:00.000+08:00

a long time friend of mine commented that life in itself is boring
and it is what you do with life that makes it exciting..

how true..

2009-12-26T10:38:00.001+08:00

yes!!
it worked!!
i'm just so happy to see your surprised and delighted expression..
and it amuses me that both of us thought of the same gift..
lol..

your laughter is so pure and innocent..
it has got me addicted..
i've got to make you laugh whenever i see you..

2009-12-22T01:29:00.000+08:00

changes are around the corner..
new plans have been made..
excited!!

it's not much..
i wonder if you'll be surprised..

2009-12-19T17:15:00.002+08:00

是一种花香怎么吹她依然在
是快乐的门只有她才能打开
是玫瑰的花瓣
满天飞舞飞进我胸怀
总给我不安的愉快

像雾又像花无法证明它存在
像一颗流星我无法跟它比赛
像早春的飘雪
多美丽终究不能依赖
像好梦总是醒得太快
我不是一个谈情说爱的天才
我没想到我的梦想该也不该
来得快走的更快

rationality tells me no,
heart says go..

the conflict goes on and on and on..

2009-12-18T23:27:00.003+08:00

i think words are powerful..
ya..
the words you use in your everyday life,
they make or break you..

and you have actions..
and you have body language..

hell ya..
you need at least 3 senses to interact with a person efficiently..
sight, hearing, touch..

sometimes you just don't know what they want..
and that makes you ponder..
and the mind wanders..
and you get hell loads of different scenarios..
and so many different end games..
so which then is the right one?

beats me..

i'm stumped..
tell me,
what do you want?

2009-12-17T23:10:00.002+08:00

feeling a bit hyper tonight..
might as well blog!

slept for 12hrs last night..
totally shagged out
but it wasn't a good sleep..
with dreams of which i can't remb,
and drenched in sweat because dear bro juz like to shut the windows when he sleeps..
nb..

ok bro finally made up his mind to get married next year!!
congrats!
yeah, i'm so thankful..
that i can finally have the room to myself!
hahaha..
hopefully dad doesn't have some idiotic ideas to violate my personal space again..
4 of us in 2 rooms,
then it became 3,
and now 2..
and the 2 in one room..
so gay right..
it's a 4 room flat for god's sake!!

and the whole house needs a renovation badly lah..

zzzzz

2009-12-16T01:31:00.003+08:00

it's all prepared..
but i feel that there's something missing,
and i have no idea how to improve on that..
hmmm

i wonder if you will like it..
*fingers crossed*

2009-12-15T01:24:00.003+08:00

it's the season of giving again!!
christmas is around the corner!
and the headache of what to buy for who is here too..
lol..
actually, rationality makes the decision for us all..
just buy/make for those dear to us..
the rest of you..
well, you guys are close to my heart too, just not that close at the moment..
hahaha..
rationality and reality are real bitches ya..

got myself a banana republic shirt and a ben sherman tee..
think they look great on me..
or rather, i look great in them..
lol..

leon told me he is joining the property boom next month..
KT jio me too..
truth is i am so tempted, but i have to think about agrader too..
i like agrader with all the negotiations and follow ups..
hell ya, as if i really like it so much..
but it is a partnership with kevan..
it's just unlike me to ring him up one fine day and say,"hey, let's call it quits. it's been nice working together."
on the other side, KT and leon are like flashing the pile of notes at me..
"time is money, and probably more." said KT..
ya, money and probably more..
and time is certainly not on my side..
opinion seeking time..
feel free to comment guys

you know sometimes when you meet a fair lady,
and after various interactions,
you just seem to know what she is thinking..
i don't know if you call that chemistry or just plain understanding..
the thought of me finishing your sentences with 90% hit rate scares me too..
hahaha..
truth is,
1. i did not install spy camera in your house, but the live feed is quite clear.
2. it's finanically impossible for me to x-ray your thoughts, maybe you bluetooth-ed them to me?
3. i just know what you are thinking most of the time..
4. it should not be me who is doing this.. ps: you know what i'm talking about.

2009-12-14T10:42:00.003+08:00

i think i dreamt last night..
did i?
i can't remember too clearly..
don't remember most of my dreams anyway..

mother likes to shout when talking..
somebody tell her to speak in normal tones pls..

2009-12-13T04:10:00.002+08:00

she said,
"I wanna find the guy that listens to me yet allows me to listen,
let me make all the decisions yet help me make the decisions,
and I will work hard but not that hard,
so he has to support me in any way possible."

wow.. lol..

2009-12-12T22:58:00.002+08:00

questions for me?
ask and you'll be answered..
lol

she said that this space is filled with my emotions..
yes she is right..
this is the sanctuary for me to .....
ya you get it.

*sigh*
all the questions in the world for me..
who knows my question?
what is my question anyway?

do you know your question?

2009-12-11T04:43:00.002+08:00

i'll admit, i am lazy..
lol.. lazy to update my blog..

can't seem to fall asleep, been tossing and turning in bed since 1am..
so what the hell, might as well make full use of my system overdrive time.

so school has started since late september..
final year le, and i've been relatively good!
been attending classes and doing my tutorials..
but the worry is there for the honors..

agrader has started again after the year end holidays..
wish us luck!!

met up with zhan peng, kenny and eric last night.
fook yew wasn't able to join us loh..
sad..
we were catching up on one anothers' life and stuff..
and i was asked the all important questions: so what have you been up to? got gf alr?
haha..
i think my replies surprised them quite a bit..

have been thinking about my future lately..
so old alr still studying for degree a bit lao kui hor..
anyway after graduation next year, i'm planning to get a job.
as to what kinda job i'll be looking for that has yet to be decided..
as for agrader, it will still be there running..
if growth rate is going exponential, then i will focus on it instead.
the aim is to generate enough customer base and open tuition center(s),
from where the co-ordination will still carry on..
of course when the whole process has gone into automation,
i'll definitely look for a job to broaden my horizon..
studying masters is an option i may seriously look into,
but that one still has much to consider about..
2 years of working experience leh..

love life?
lonely uncle loh..
got lah.. there's somebody..
but then she attached..
stupid right, i always like gals who are attached..
haha.. i can see myself still single at 35..
grandma keep saying that she wanna see us all get married before she leaves..
what the hell.. i don't think i can fulfill your wish grandma..
your grandson is not on wanted list.. bo bian..

mother just kp me..
hai~~ cannot sleep what you want me to do..
can't possibly ask me to lie on the bed n wait for sleep to claim me right..

actually my thoughts are full of you, you, you and you..
damn

2009-09-19T01:08:00.002+08:00

wassup guys!!
finally decided to pick the book off the shelf for some dusting..
well it's been 2 mths since the last post too..

ya i know i disappeared..
i don't deny that; was practically buried in work.
pls visit www.a-grader.com
that's what which has consumed my time these days.
can't remember if i've introduce this to you guys before..
it's a tuition agency kevan and i have set up.
pretty neat eh don't you think?
i finally get to experience the anything and everything that goes into running your own business!!
it was a slow start, but business expanded quite fast i'll say..
of course there were quarrels between kevan and me,
but it does has its enjoyable and fun moments too.
bad decisions were made, lessons were learned;
ugly words were exchanged, praises were sung too..
all in all, it made me realised that teamwork is the synergy to get any organisation to grow..
in it we make up for one anothers' shortfall to create a balanced all-rounder team to face challenges..
it made me realise a bit more of myself, find out more about my strengths and weaknesses.

went thailand with dad, mom, eldest sis-in-law and her mom 13-15/07/09
took the plane for the 1st time in my life!!
hahaha.. quite an enjoyable experience.
thailand is quite a nice place..
people are friendly, very approachable.
girls are pretty too!
too bad my parents were around,
else would have flirted with the cute hotel front desk girls..
lol..
love the food, minus the large amount of chilli and spices.
one thing i observed about the thais was that they are genuinely happy.
no matter their living conditions, no matter their future, no matter their lives..
no matter what they are doing, they are happy,
contended with what little they have and make the best out of it.
look at us, city dwellers within one of the most successful nations in the world.
we have so much, bt we are not contended at all.
we are unhappy with our lives, we moan about what we do not have.
we yearn for more and more, demand more from everyone around us.
laughable, aren't we?
sharing the same room with mom and dad made me realised that life is really short..
the last time i share room with them was in primary school,
back when we wanted to enjoy the air-conditioner.
lol.. ya it's more than a decade ago, but still seem like yesterday.
look at myself now, 26 this yr.. dad is already 61, and mom is 53..
reality really dealt me a heavy blow in my guts was i laid on bed in the hotel room.
give it 2 more decades, and mom and dad will probably be laid to eternal rest...
all the hate, pain and anger bottled up within me these yrs seem just so childish..
we are still a family after all..
yup, how foolish of me to have wasted all these yrs..
so i've decided to mend the bridges, to communicate more with them..
i love you dad, i love you mom..

vincent left on 03/09/09 for a 2yr stint in seoul with nexon..
great uh?? the tall guy gets to bio all the pretty girls..
lol.. take care of yourself man..
dominic and i are going over next year after exams for a holiday.
yea!!

the results were released a few weeks ago.
yes i passed all but i am not happy at all.
my expectations were not realised.
now i'm left with my final 4 modules,
and they are my final chance at 2nd lower class.
all 4 modules!
man, got to really slog my life for the 2nd lower class!!
school is commencing this coming monday..

goodbye holidays, hello school
goodbye slacking, hello slogging

2009-07-08T18:17:00.001+08:00

missing someone whom i should not be..
it's good to hear your voice..

2009-06-01T21:03:00.002+08:00

the blog is not dead ok..
was busy busy with exams..
and yes, the nightmare is finally over!!
cya in another 12mths!!

yup, and i'm having a 3mths holiday~~
sounds great right??
haha..
it's not great at all man..

moving forward,
in a year's time, i'll be graduating..
and then, i'm out in the working society!!
waking up early in the morning every weekday,
dragging my feet to work when the sun is still sleeping..
man...
student life is definitely better by a long shot...
lol..

anyways,
wanted to look for a short internship..
but randy proposed that we go co-partnership in tuition coordination..
i accepted..
figured it's a good way to get some experience on setting up your own business,
managing conflicts, setting targets and achieving them etc..
this sure is going to get exciting!

wish us luck!!

2009-04-29T16:35:00.002+08:00

how far can inconsideration go??

idiot made me wake up early in the morning,
not enough sleep never mind;
got bathed by the torrential rain,
wet never mind;
fucking bus got stuck in the fucking jam for half an hour,
cannot move never mind;
then idiot called me said he solved the bloody question last night!!
chee bye if i wasn't on the bus i think i would have screamed at him man..
c'mon lah,
at least drop me a message mah..
wasted half my fucking day,
tired, and now i'm sneezing like fuck!!!
then on my way back idiot said wanna go meet girlfriend for movie!!
so, i'm left with a wild goose chase,
and unable to get the problem solved because idiot is going out to make merry..

fuck lah, don't feel like talking liao lah..
just IDIOT lah!!!

2009-04-23T12:05:00.003+08:00

i don't really care if my friends leave me for this..
ha! i don't know if they are friends in the first place, with all sincerity..
so, if you think you might feel offended, quit reading :)

yes exams are around the corner,
and yes, we are all nervous..
so yes, we naturally wanna do well for our papers..

what really baffles me is that where are the friends when you need them??
especially in dire times of need - desperation??
yes i can only have myself to blame for not attending classes..
lol.. but looking back, when you requested for help, were i not there for you?
and you?
and you??
i don't and hate to think that i have ever let any of them down when need was requested of me..
and, i did not ask for any favor or repayment in any kind..
what matters more than the friendship we have built together?

and there is mr lau..
this one really have to scold..
now that he is in desperate times,
he expects everyone to adhere to his requests..
throwing tantrums like a kid..
damn..
he is juz going hysterical!!
all the thoughts of knocking down peoples' doors just to force them to help him!!
like wtf lah..
hahaha..

anyway, these are my thoughts, my blog..
so if you are having any twinge of guilt after reading;
or angry or whatever,
don't be..

goodluck for your exams peeps!!

2009-04-17T20:29:00.002+08:00

exams are less than 3 weeks away!!
damn..
i still have lotsa mugging to do!!

very tired recently,
probably from the revision ba..

i heard the song again!!
and again!!!
and again!!!!!
can't help but smile lah..
thinking of what have happened..
lol..
pretty silly don't you think??

ok, think that's enough for now..
gotta dive back into my notes!!
wish me lots and lots and lots of luck guys!! :-)

2009-03-12T23:13:00.003+08:00

i think teaching is indeed the best and fastest way to learn..

2009-03-07T12:11:00.004+08:00

it's been raining for the past few nights..
or days..
i can't remember..

and everytime it does,
one thing struck me..

have you ever seen rain come??
as in, you see its onslaught?

it's like a wave, or a torrent..
i heard it coming..
the sound of rain..
a torrent of heavy droplets from afar..
it's quick, and leaves no place, no nothing dry in it's wake..
i just love the feeling..
the feeling of dominance..
i love the rage it brings..
it's wrath bearing down on all as it descends from the heavens..
bringing wet judgement to all..
hahaha..
hell, yea..
i love the cool breeze that accompanies it too..
the breeze that always moves ahead, bringing with it the scent of rain to warn everything to take shelter..
then comes the judgement..
you will run, but you cannot hide from it..
the rain simply washes you over..
it has no friends nor foes..
it cleanses every nook and corner...

and a moment later, it's gone..
as quick as it has came..
and all that it leaves behind are just stains of it's presence..
which, given a few hours, will eventually evaporate into thin air..
but you remember that the rain was here before..

such is rain...

2009-03-07T11:54:00.004+08:00

it's march 7..
tt's 3 weeks after i gave her a bunch of roses..
damages: wasted 2 friendships and wasted time to plug drain holes..
hahaha..

yea..
go ahead..
laugh at me..
because i'm laughing at myself too..

c'mon simon..
take a look in the mirror..
so much bitterness and anger w/i these few weeks..
is that really you??

looking back, i don't even recognise myself..
i was quick to judge, quick to hate, quick to rectify..
alas, all is lost..
or has it?
i don't know..

it was supposed to be a simple bouquet of roses meant for someone i have developed a tinge of romantic interest in..
so said the roses, so said thy heart, thy feelings..
well, i guess i have known the outcome before i set forth to task..
ya..
there are a billion "i should have, i should not have"..
nasty words in the heat of anger, irreversible actions done hastily..
ultimately, things have thus turned out this way..
fuck, there are a lot of things i wanna say..
but some are better left buried in me..
so let's make do with it shall we simon??

truth is, i only have myself to blame..

i'm sorry to you 2 for causing the confusion, hurt, anger and all..
shan't name names for the sake of privacy..
but you know who you are..

fuck, this is so edison chen lah.. knn..

by the way, homosapiens is just the biological term for human beings..

2009-03-03T21:36:00.002+08:00

and i thought the worst of troubles are over..
ok i know this space is filled with unhappy, frustrated, angry words,
but what what the hell this is my space to whine about my life!

i know the rest of them do not like you a bit..
you are self-centered, bitchy, attention-seeking selfish and etc..
but i took pity on you given that i am your friend..
i was willing to overlook your shortcomings as a homosapien..
and that is why i try my best to get you to come along in our sessions..
i even shared with you some of my secrets..
never would i have thought that you will just blurt it out to her..
just like that..
you know, i really do not know what the fuck is your brain located..
it does not seem to sit atop of your head..
have you even considered the consequences of revealing secrets entrusted to you by others??
i just don't understand at all how could you fucking hell do this to me?!?!?!
you have shutted down communications between us..
just like that!
you have made the awkwardness between us so loud that even the world can hear it..
just like that!!
you have effectively threw the friendship i have painstakingly built over the year with her outta the window!!
just fucking like - that!!!!
ccb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that was last night..
i did not wanna call and scream at you since everything is irreversible..
so now, you are effectively outta my life..

so i came back today deciding i will take a nap and study a bit..
and you walked in, saying i go JB for sleazy purposes..
what the fuck?!?!
where did that accusation come from?!?!!!!!
how can you accuse me of doing such things?!?!
are you saying that, i, of your very own blood, is a man of no morals and principles?!?!
if so, that shows how badly you have fared in my upbringing!!
you have failed in your basic duty!!!!

damnit!!!

and now both you two parties are the cause of my stupid knn back ache!!!
FUCKING HELL

2009-03-03T11:38:00.000+08:00

stress is directly proportional to back ache

2009-02-24T01:09:00.001+08:00

aiyah...
confessions of a secret admirer went relatively okie i guess..
lol..

2009-02-20T21:54:00.002+08:00

exams are nearing!!
super gan jiong loh..
honestly speaking,
i don't think i can finish my revision..
i'm like pumping 6-9 hours everyday into mugging..
hideout: school..
can't seem to concentrate at all at home..
too many temptations..

the worry is there for my friends..
friends who are working;
and friends who are not utilising their time to mug..
this is not an easy year friends!!
better work fucking hard man!!

goodluck to all!!

2009-02-14T14:30:00.002+08:00

i guess no matter how well i play the cards,
i cannot phantom what is the other party thinking..
lol..
in any case,
everything seems to turn out relatively well..
relatively..
yup..
maybe it's bcz i have not been playing in this field for quite some time..
or maybe everyone else is getting smarter..
hahaha..
at least i finally got your attention..

so said randy,"just be a bastard.."
lol..
i finally come to realise the meaning of his words..

oh well,
here's a MERRY VALENTINE'S DAY to all singletons and lovely couples!!

等寂寞到夜深
夜已静荒凉
夜已静黄昏
莫道你在选择人
人亦同选择你
公平原没半点偏心
呼叫慢慢向着心里渗
何必抱怨
曾令醉心是谁人
自愿吻别心上人
糊涂换来一生泪印
何故明是痛苦伤心
还幸笑装开心
今天的你可怜还可悯

2009-02-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

everything has been set into motion..
let's see if i can play cards properly...
hahaha...
*fingers crossed*

exams are nearing!!!
scared loh..
lol..
back to mugging!

2009-02-08T23:45:00.003+08:00

he called me last night..
gave me some sound advice..
ya..
i really gave it some si-rai-ious thought..
maybe i should try right..
hahaha..
as he said, "it's never rational, it's never perfect.."
true..
it will only be perfect when i'm in it itself..
satisfied with a decision, i went to sleep..

happiness is shortlived!!!
i woke up to a twist!!
so, everything has changed now i see..
a bitter smile was all i could managed..
i have became the tinker..
so tinkering too much generates such negativity..
hahaha..

will it end there and then?
maybe i should just do what i do best..
lol..

2009-02-07T20:30:00.006+08:00

it's a belated happy chinese new year..
ya..

don't know why but i have a bad feeling about this year..
which is also why i have quitted starhub..
like again...
lol..
reason: i really need to study!!

i know that i am a perfectionist..
so much so that i hate myself..
i hate myself for stagnating in this stage of life..
i hate myself for not being able to keep up with my expectations..
i hate myself for not taking the steps to acquire what i want..

friends say to get on with it lah..
easier said than done..
and there's the phrase, "doing is a quantum leap from imagination"
so, i supposed i should just set off after my goals right?

rationality tells me not to, because i have too much at stake..
and what are at stake one might ask..
i have lost the monetary equivalent of my life!
everyday, i see my peers out there, slogging their guts out for the monthly pay..
and i look at myself..
here i am, still stuck in school..
ya..
an alternative since i gave up on my previous degree..
and who is to blame for that?
myself.

and this is my second chance..
my final chance..

and then it happened again!
it freaking hell happened again!!!
i thought this shit will never happen to me ever again after the first failure!
so tell me what to do..
i don't want to take the gamble again..
i don't have enough to stake it all in..

he: what r u waiting for?
me: time..
he: do u really like ***?
me: what do u think?
he: i don't think so..
me: i cannot lose both at the same time.. my risk appetite is not great enough this time.. i have to wait..
he: but u have waited for a year already!!
me: ya i know..
he: so??
me: i don't know lah.. i can only wait for now..
he: wait wait wait.. later everything also don't have!
me: we'll see how it goes..

so they say depression strikes when we are feeling the effects of exam stress..
how true..

2009-01-14T10:54:00.002+08:00

i have great news to share!!

i'm pregnant!!!

lol...
just joking lah..

i'm leaving the fucked up place!!!
yea!!!
last day will be feb 2nd..
wah...
and my leave has been approved!!!
woohoooooooooooooo!!!
was so happy that my occupancy last night was 73%
record breaking okie...
wonder when was the last time i even hit 60%...
hahaha..

so guys and gals,
i'll be at the chalet for both days!!
cya!

2009-01-13T13:00:00.002+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Disappointment You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person. You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night. You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy. Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life. You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with. Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times. Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Being Alone
Losing Someone
Looked down on
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2009-01-13T12:44:00.002+08:00

as i was about to drift off to slumberland last night,
i just realised something..
my exams are REALLY REALLY near!!
i mean, ya i did know that..
but, when i think about the pile of unread notes on my desk...
that is something else altogether!
damn..
i have slacked for half a semester!!
and with that thought,
i almost could not sleep last night..
i have to admit,
it was and still is fucking scary lah!!!
hahahha..

anyway,
decided to wake up early today to tidy my desk..
yup it has been sometime since i last did any "desk-keeping"
at least i have more space now to work..

so next is to put the plan into action!!
jan - msm
feb - poa, me
mar - macro
apr - ibm

god help us all...

2009-01-11T22:26:00.005+08:00

did i tell u that i have changed my handset??
ya.. my 3rd handphone..
it's a samsung pixon!!
yeap..
i know i have neva ventured any other brands other than nokia n sony ericsson..
but this handset is one that i cannot pass up!!
hahaha..
and it is working like clockwork..
well, at least it still is...
we see..
lol...

have been busy with the part time team chalet thingy..
credits goes to jian long for the funds collection,
and neeky for planning the food budget!
me?
well, i'm the organiser, so i dedicate taskes!
of course i make sure everything is ran smoothly..
see, jian long is rather busy nowadays,
and i cannot compromise efficiency..
so i relived him of his duties..
don't tell him pls..
hahaha..
and this is my final event for the part time team...
cannot stand the management anymore..

just paid for the exam fees..
2k right out of my own pocket!!
how i wish i can rob the cashier u know..
hahahaha..
all my hard earned money gone!!
well, not all, but u get the idea..

2009-01-06T01:37:00.002+08:00

I passed my New Year Day holed up in bed from food poisoning..
suck...

but this bout of poisoning set off some thoughts..
was thinking how 2008 went for me..
did it really go the way i have wanted it to?
did i make the best outta last year?
the answer, sadly, was no..
i managed to stay true to myself..
by studying hard for my exams..
by slogging my ass off to fullfill my wants..
and that was all i really did!!
i did not manage to lose weight, save up more and travel..
aye...
i did not do so much..

looking at myself now,
i realised, my life is slipping through my grasp..
i am so much more prone to illness,
i am so lazy,
i am so unfit..
damn...
my finances are at a healthy level,
but i have not capitalise on the opportunities at hand to boost my financial power..
wasted..

also..
the feeling of loneliness is back..
and it really struck me point blank..
that i am no longer the 21yr old kid who has just finished National Service..
i am getting old..
and my peers are getting hitched and married..
and here i am, left walking after their shadows..
the hollow within me..

so what's my resolution for 2009?
same as per 2008's..
. . . . . . .
so this is life huh...
such a bitch it can be..
go on, laugh at me..

i hate myself for feeling this way..
and the stress is on me to deliver again..
to deliver for all your fun and laughter..
to deliver to fullfill your pride..
i feel so tired..

i just want to give up..
should i?

2008-12-28T20:21:00.001+08:00

MERRY post CHRISTMAS!!!
Christmas is juz great!!!
presents, presents n more presents!!
honestly speaking,
this is the first time in my entire life when i receive the most presents ever!!
hahahaha..
some might not suit me, but still,
thank u all for the presents!!

it was especially nice when i receive the present from u...
and the call i got from u,
i really hope there was something more to it..
*fingers crossed for thursday*

okie, i'll probably offend a few people in this entry..
so let me say sorry before i start on the offensive...

i may have only been through one relationship,
but i feel that i have learnt a lot from it..
which is why i just cannot understand why can u two come to this situation..
there are so many problems between the two of u!!
omfg, any stranger would have thought this is a virgin relationship..
i don't take sides,
but i think that both of u are not without faults...
and yes, break up is the easiest way out always..
but i do believe a couple should work out their problems right from the start..
and communication is the only way to sustain a relationship..
so one is a bit anti-social, and the other likes to stone..
plus both are stubborn..
u can pretty well work out the end result..

in any case, both are my friends,
so of course i'll love to see u two work it out...
just prove me wrong alright...

and to u guys out there...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
in advance..

2008-12-19T19:30:00.002+08:00

the email came from the management
and in it came these words:

Dear All,
FYNA for the attached.
Please note that Sunday's OT will be temporary suspended until further notice.

short and sweet huh...
What kind of crap is this?!?!

i seriously do not understand how this fucked up organisation works..
time and time again customers will call in to complain on how bad our management is..
and time and time again my colleagues and i,
fronting the customer service, have to pacify them..
we are temp staff..
furthermore, my personal agenda in rejoining the company is to chiong the OTs for the money..
but personal agenda aside,
look at this..
the bulk of our pay comes from OT,
especially on our off and rest days
if they say that this is an unforseen circumstance,
then why in the world did they employ such crappy weekend temps anyway?!?!
it only adds on to their current workload!!
and so they do OTs, but not us?!?!
and currently,
it is not about OTs being subjected to approval or not,
bcz there is nothing for us to even input for approval!
rather, it's about - read the words - SUSPENDED TILL FURTHER NOTICE...
even if the bitch can say that we are still allowed to fill up the slots,
it's just a temporal measure to alay our frustrations!!
the management might as well suspend my services or retrench me!!
so when they are having a shortage of staff,
they asked us to do OT for them..
and everything can be negotiated..
the bitch will be walking around, almost forcing us to fill up the OTs for them..
the the few of us "old birds" are able to siam from her malicious claws...
but even then, sometimes we still have to do it..
all the "compulsory 1hr OT",
or u'll see some poor TL going around to literally beg us to fill up the OT list..
now that they don't need us, the message is channelled through email..
cold, hard, unfeeling, non-negotiable..
didn't we learn during training that "at , we provide a personalised service to customers"?
and where is that personal touch now??
so we as employees, part-time we may be, are not customers??
does the organisation not adhere to what they preach?
and this is their so-called business ethics??
we are only in the limelight when we are needed,
only when we helped them in the monthly team rankings,
amongst other stuff..
so now that we are no longer needed, we are almost like discarded???
WTF?!?!?!?!

i really really want to quit this fucked up orgainsation..
never mind that they pay good basic wages..
never mind that they pay even better overtime wages too..
i mind their lousy, selfish and arrogant working attitude...

and i know,
so do the rest of my part time colleagues...

8yrs huh, u fat piece of shit...
maybe u have grown all cocky after rotting in that shit-hole for so long...
someday, u'll look back and see karma running after u..
and that's when u'll know the meaning of
what goes around, comes around...

the same goes for u too, u half-half...

goodluck

2008-12-09T02:33:00.004+08:00

i am feeling damn emo tonight..
and this space really needs a story..

i know my birthday has passed,
but many thoughts still hang on the empty racks..

thank you all who managed to celebrate my birthday with me..
not that i mind..
but u know, this is the time
when u really wished that the person next to u
is not juz merely a friend..
but something more..
something much more..

prior to my birthday,
the guys at office bought randy n me a cake..
make a wish they said..
the 1st thing that came to my mind was her..
hahaha..
i'm getting weak again i know..
but i did not wish for that..

the terrorist attack on the hotels in mumbai;
that made me worry for her safey..
and i am beginning to miss her again..

take action they would say..
and my reply will always be nay..

sometimes, i wonder if everyone thinks as much as me..
heck, i wonder if anybody thinks at all..
why doesn't anyone look and plan ahead anymore?
what if i am no longer there to provide for your wants?
what would you do?

sherlynn juz got married last friday..
december 5th..
i was invited,
but had chose not to attend..
not that i did not want to give my blessings,
but respect has to be given to willy..
i'm sure she will look beautiful..
she always has..
well, i wish u everlasting marital bliss..

i know i won't be able to sleep tonight..

i am so feeling ktv now..
what the fuck...

the sights and sounds pass me by,
and i wonder when will i see you again..
but i still get no joy in your presence..
and i wonder if my heart is really dead..
this confusion is killing me..

2008-10-22T12:29:00.004+08:00

taking some time out to fill this void..
lol..

school is going along fine..
juz trying to play catch-up with my modules..

and,
i met someone who has managed to
make me stammer while talking to her,
make my palms go cold with sweat..
she really takes my breath away..
really enchanting..
we'll see how this game goes..
*fingers crossed*

went on a shopping spree with neeky and leon..
bought lotsa stuff lah..
the damage to my wallet is @#$%^&!!!

I LOVE BEN SHERMAN!!!

2008-09-24T11:37:00.002+08:00

my god....
this is really unbecoming of me..
practically abandoned this space for 2 months?!?!
lol..

school has started!!
and it's books galore, with boobs-fest too!!!!
hahaha...
failed IBM last year, so gonna retake as self-study module..

neeky wants to quit le..
knn..
ya i admit it is a boring job, especially for us old birds..
leon is already looking for a bank call-center job..
that sounds promising, i won't mind taking that during internship..

i'm looking to set up an online-shop or blog-shop..
selling bags n accessories for ladies..
michael n lilian are equally interested..
almost every detail has been gone over and agreed on..
but we are still unable to find a suitable supplier!!
gosh..
i really am looking forward to set up this mini entreprenuering business..
look great on my resume doesn't it??
hahaha...

k..
till then..

2008-07-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

oh my... it's been almost a month...

i'm back in starhub..
same job, same pay..
well...
and all the OTs included...

deprived myself of so much sleep that i have fallen sick..
hahaha...
it's all about the money..

the familiar faces still there,
but are leaving one by one..
will miss you all!!

anyways...
good news is that dom is getting married!!
and i am invited!!!
hahaha...
congrats bro!!

ya, there's something i wanna share with you guys..
due to the true mobile number portability hype recently,
a lot of disputes have arisen..
i feel that there has been a lack of or breakdown in communication between the 3 telcos..
customers have been informed via more than one channel yes..
but still they are ill-informed..
there's a whole lot of them who did not even know about this tmnp issue..
and here i am, with the rest of my colleagues,
trying to salvage the situation..
the problem is not with them not knowing about tmnp..
rather, it is with the telcos not being able to cope with the setback..
hai~~~

well, all in all,
i am working to feed UOL my tuition fees..
at least i am not lazing around at home with nothing to do..
till then,
take care!!

2008-06-17T13:45:00.003+08:00

brothers and i bought a braun buffel wallet for father..
he is always carrying that so-out-of-fashion waist pouch wherever he goes..
even to restaurant!!
looks so weird lah...
anyway, he claims that he has a few other wallets yet to be used..
for god's sake, use them lah...
that's what wallets are for,
to be used, not put them in a lousy looking waist pouch...

min hui is getting bigger and bigger..
and i still don't dare to carry her..
what if i drop her accidentally??
omg cannot imagine lah..
lol....

started my 9 months contract back at starhub last night..
few familiar faces..
jackiey is leaving, neeky is not joining us..
double banked with vincent..
and he is leaving soon.. damn..
work is fine..
just forgot lots of stuff nia..
hahahaha..
guess i need some brushing up ba..
well, i do have 9 months to do just that..

just selected my modules for the coming academic year..
will be taking principles of accounting, managerial economics, management science methods and macroeconomics which will replaced by intoduction to business and management..
$4708 - that's the course fees for this coming year..
luckily still have enough savings to pay for it..
don't want father to pay lah..
rather he use his hard-earned money for holidays and what not..

jared was deliberating over having a 2 or 3 days school week..
i advised him to go for 3 days..
why?
because 2 days and no work will make him slack and nua..
3 days on the other hand can keep him active,
keep the brain juice going..
moreover, can go school to see vegetables..
vegetables that the market cannot offer..
more chances to see vegetables will result in a higher probability of chancing upon one that he likes..
and if it really goes in that direction, he can bring home and tell his mom,
"i got a vegetable that you can never buy from the market"
see, win-win solution...

2008-06-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

i wanted to get a pair of havianas initially..
but ended up getting a pair of aldo slippers..
costed me $85..
dom and leon said that i was crazy,
spending so much on a pair of slippers..
c'mon, you take care of your hair, your bod, why not your feet too?
hahahaha..

was on my way out this afternoon,
and in that crowded and stuffy lrt...
there's this guy wearing singlet,
grabbing onto the grab-holds with both hands,
airing his hairy arm-pits for all to see lah...
wah kaoz...
luckily i was not standing near him..
exercise some consideration lah please..
so many people around you
and you can expose your crowning glory for all to see..
and i can see the sweat trickling down loh..
this is what emily would call "kan ni na beh, grossness"

anyhow, went ktv with sherlynn..
singing with her is always fun!!
hahaha..
bought a pink striped polo-tee for $29

oh ya..
i am taking calls at haw par again starting next monday..

i can finally smell the m-o-n-e-y..

2008-06-06T13:18:00.002+08:00

attended my cousin's wedding dinner last sunday..
it was a beautiful night..

but looking at how the event was held,
i could not help but think about it..

why is it that almost every couple will thank their parents on stage?
it seems so customary..
not that i am being rude,
but why hasn't anyone talked about other issues?
hahaha...

i know father is kind of anti-social..
and my whole family is given a table to ourselves...
think that effectively states that we ARE anti-social doesn't it??
lol...

in sociology, Parson stated that the society exerts its influences and internalise the social norms into us,
thus socialising us into social beings..
so looking back at how the people at the wedding behave,
are they behaving that way because of the effects of social norm and control?
or are they exercising their relative freedom and authority to negotiate the event as per what Mead said?

blame me for studying sociology..

okay, enough of the crap..
met up with sherlynn yesterday..
you know, i've never been able to comprehend why couples cannot be friends after that broke up..
sherlynn and i shared beautiful memories together..
although we did not managed to carve out a future together,
we still remain close..
we will catch up with each other once in a while,
talk crap, bitch about our miseries and stuff..
hahaha..

anyways, went to her condo at lavender..
she stays at the 35th floor!!!
and the view is spectacular!!!
you can see the singapore flyer, the city, the kallang river, etc etc..
i can imagine the night view... amazing..

went vivo city to shop...
finally found a pair of slippers that i like!!
hahaha...
chanced upon a bar - brotzeit
it has like 20-30 kinds of beer,
plus it serves really yummy suasages!!

got to visit the place again this sunday with dom, leon and dine..
you won't get drunk there dine, so don't worry..

2008-06-01T15:26:00.002+08:00

well well well,
it's the first day of june!

exams are finally over!!!!
think i fared pretty well for most of them,
except for the last paper..
but i'm not disappointed..
this is what you get when you don't put in enough effort..

a good fren called..
wanted to borrow 5k from me to bail out a friend..
omgggggg
spare me lahhhh.. hahahaha..
i agreed on 2k, payback in a month's time..
you know, money and friendship doesn't go hand in hand..
hahaha.. but i trust you lah..

anyways...
cleared up my room..
what a fucking mess it was..
lol..
i seriously have no idea how did i manage to mess up the room..
tons of waste thrown out..

sold off my NTU texts at bras basah complex..
at a miserable $30 for 10 books!!
and that's after lots of bargaining..
learnt some new driving tips though..
if you really need to change lanes on a taffic jammed orchard road,
you got to combine some aggressiveness with a bit of courtesy..
plus a good eye for opportunities to slot your drive into the desired lane..
hahaha..

managed to shave off 3kg from the 7kg i put on during exams..
call it a side effect of exams..
4kg more to go!!

it may be the holidats,
but i doubt if i'm going to get any..
i have decided to go back to starhub to work my ass off..
with mr leon in tow..
he's going crazy thinking about the OTs and more OTs..

planning to get:
1 pair of havaianas,
1 pair of jeans,
2 polo tees,
1 tee,
1 haversack bag (i promise i won't look like a tortoise)

next time anyone sees simon,
tell him to work more OTs first ya..

2008-05-22T02:27:00.001+08:00

i need u now..

*fingers crossed*

2008-05-18T22:43:00.002+08:00

u,
don't understand me;
don't live my life;
don't feel the stress;
don't know what i have been doing;
don't read my course.

so,
u,
please shut the fuck up;
and leave me alone.

thank you very much.

2008-05-17T22:01:00.004+08:00

econs, math, stats papers are over!!
i think i have done enough to pass with quite a buffer to spare..
proud of myself!! haha..

irony upon ironies,
when love n studies collide..
so what are u going to do now??

and how do u solve the problem,
when u have your 2 toughest paper 2 days apart?
do u prioritise, or do u thin out your resources?

i have decided..
i believe so have u..
let's see who's right..

i'm wishing for may 22..

2008-04-30T22:51:00.003+08:00

it's 8 days to my first paper!!
have not been into an examination hall since i left NTU back in 2006..

speaking of my decision 2 years ago..

sherlynn has just left me..
i guess her absence affected me greatly..
she practically made up one half of me..
so much so that i flunged my papers..
and 3 semesters with lots of re-sits later,
i decided that that just isn't my cup of tea..
coupled with that were the shadows of her which i just cannot seem to shake off..
it was a tough one, deciding to leave all behind me..
breaking the news to my parents was even tougher..
till now, i still have not the courage to say this to u..
i guess this is the only place for me to say it..

daddy, mommy, i'm sorry..

after quitting ntu, i was at a lost still..
i was effectively left with nothing - no cert, no skill..
i know i have to do something to get my life back on track..
so came the decision to enrol for UOL-SIM..
and the discipline - BSc Economics and Management
econs has always been my weakest subject in junior college..
and i am going to face it again!
hahaha..
during the wait for school to start, i joined starhub..
work was routine, customers were weird, but the pay was awesome!!
so started the endless OTs..

then school started!!!
i was quite surprised actually..
u can walk around NTU for the whole day,
but u will rarely find someone dressed as trendily as in SIM!!
really!!
lol.. it was a feast for the eyes lah..
o ya.. the boys started off their conversations with "so, which unit were u from?"
hahahaha..
c'mon man, i ORD-ed eons ago alrite?!
it was obvious that i am among the oldest in the lecture theater..
well, nothing to be proud of..

hmm.. time flies.. like the turn of a page..
and here we are, on the last day of april..
i have since resigned from starhub to concentrate on my exams..

i know i have studied, but i still feel nervous..
i have a lot to prove, and much more to show to the world....
heads up people!

I'M BACK!!

**fingers crossed** hahaha

it's a tragic kingdom isn't it..