I am so lost.

So tell me what's my crime....

I have lost the plot.

A blog is supposed to be a dairy, an outlet of sorts for you to channel your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions into writing. It is supposed to help you release your joy, anticipation, frustrations, anger into words, so that normalcy will resume. That's what a blog is for me, that is.

Few weeks ago, a friend knew that I'm feeling down since the exams, given the bleak outlook on stepping into the coporate world and such. I told her I'll put everything into words to relieve the suppressed thoughts. I did not.

I read what I write. And you will realise that I am full of mixed emotions and signals. Not that I do not know what I want, which for the record I do know, but it is the resurgence of feelings I will experience again when I read my posts. Some make me smile, some make me laugh, some make me sad, some make me teary. Neutrality is preferred over the spectrum of emotions.


Some promises, though made, but can never be fulfilled.

Sometimes,
you know that you have nil chance of being together,
not in this life-time anyway..
But you still want to be there,
just for that special person..

Ready to catch her if she falls,
ready to lend her a listening ear,
ready for her in every way possible..

All that,
just to be there,
if she turns around one day..




Ain't it laughable?

Yes, I do laugh at myself sometimes..

I have been staring at the blinking cursor for like 10min before deciding what to write. Lol.. If you know me, you will know me to be a sentimental person who likes to reminisce about the past. Anyhow, it's time for some updates.




Exams are finally over! Monetary Economics is a killer subject, or so it seems to me. But I think the paper itself is somewhat manageable. Not too hard, not a walk-over either. Either way, I'm just glad that I have crossed the finishing line, after 6 years. Yes, 6 years of university life. For the benefit of those who are confused, I did a 2 year study in Electrical and Electronics Engineering at NTU before deciding that I don't want to be an engineer for the rest of my life; so I withdrew from my course and enrolled into SIM-UOL reading Economics and Management for the next 3 years. So now, it seems I have completed my degree, more or less. All that remains is for the final results to be out, and my convocation in April next year.


Looking back, it has been quite a ride. I know there were some who made negative remarks on my choices in life, but the support from others are of enough courage to see me for this 3 years. And I'll like to thank my family and friends, all who have stood by me through this journey. The post-NTU period was particulary trying for me, 3 months of internal conflict within myself whether I have made the correct choice. So it seems now, it was the best, and the correct decision. Given that, I'll like to thank Jared, Leon, Pele and Robin for the guidance shown in my studies.




Moving on, there were the 2 years at Starhub as a Customer Care Consultant. I entered the company a complete shithead, knowing nuts about the outside world. Jen was however, able to see a sparkle in me, and gave me the chance. Dealing with different people from all walks of life really changed me. I learned to communicate better, bring my ideas across to others more effectively. Of course, mixing with the colleagues there influenced my idea of fashion. Hahaha.. So hence my fashion sense today. Anyway, I'll like to reserve special thanks to Adam, Chiam, Michael, Dominic for grooming me, and Leon, Geraldine, Valerie, Neeky, ZW for the great friendship and wonderful times in call centre. I will try to organise another JB trip or chalet for us again this year.




Then there was AGrader with Kevan. It was filled with much fulfilled ambitions when I left. Regrets, but we all learn to live with regrets don't we? It's what which teaches us, and shapes us. I am proud though to say that I have had a hand in managing a company, no matter how small it may seem. And it's no easy feat mind you. We have to go around putting up posters in the wee hours of the night because Kevan did not want to let people see him doing it. "Paiseh lah", those were his exact words. Lol.. We managed to get the agency to where we wanted it to be, but alas, the partnership did not go as plan. I will say that I am bored of customers bargaining over 50 cents, and Kevan's authoritative and overbearing manner. So, it's best for us if I leave, since he came up with the idea of the agency anyway. Anyhow, I'm still grateful for the chance to work together with him, and experiencing the inner workings of running a company. Thanks Kevan, and I wish you all the best with AGrader.




Oh, not to forget Sherlynn, my ex-girlfriend. Yes, she left me for greener pastures, indirectly causing the cascade of events from NTU. No I no longer love her, but we remain as friends, close friends in fact. Funny thing isn't it? In 2005 I was telling her how I envisioned our lives together, and now, 5 years later, I'm giving her my congratulatory wishes on her pregnancy, nearly 9 months in fact. Congrats Sher, and thanks for the support!




Of course I did not forget you. You know who you are. Lol. Your views influenced bit part of my thinking, and your cheerful nature never fail to light up my day. You are certainly a surprise-mistake in my life, and I'm thankful for that pleasant turn of events. Thank you very much. Enjoy the fun while you can, and you know you can always come to me when things go south.




So now, the next stage of my life - work. I have gone for a few interviews - Citigold, DBS, UOB. The offers are good, within my expectations, but I have decided on DBS Branch Relationship Manager, stationed at Clementi Central. 5 weeks of training and the real thing comes. Family and friends, please do not run away when you see me or hang up when I call you ok!! :)




Cheers for the new life, new challenges, and hopefully, the void can finally be filled...












Do you remember the times of your life?

3 papers down, 1 more to go!! MM paper was a shocker, but still manageable. I think 50 is a good estimation. ISORG paper was pretty easy but I screwed it up by writing out of context! OTIA paper is famous for its high failure rate (60% annual failure rate), and I could not finish it. Damn.. Hopefully can get 40 or so. Final paper on June 2 - MONEC. Have enlisted Robin's help for this.. Must get at least 50 to hit my 2nd lower.. Pray for me!!


Sometimes when the relationship gets sour, the first thing we will try to do is to resolve the issue. That is natural of course, if you love your partner. Still, there will be people out there who, instead of trying to learn the circumstances of the situation, drove straight into conclusions. Conclusions they made up from lack of information, and of course, rationality.

This will only serve to drive a larger wedge between the couple. I think pride, ego and selfishness are the 3 prime evils in any relationships. Of course there is the element of money, but that is a minor issue.

So when the relationship reaches a boiling point, the next thing that comes is - do we jump ship? Jumping ship is not an easy process. Most of us would say that they do not want to go through the process of knowing another person all over again in the future because it is tiring. True, I agree with them, but to a certain extent. I think what they are more afraid of, is getting over the current one. The effects of him/her in your life right now. The inter-dependecy, the bond the memories. You don't walk away unscathed. In fact you walk away with just as much pain in your heart as your partner.

And going into a new relationship, though the least of your worries, is impacted by the experiences of your previous ones. Bounded rationality. You are afraid, yes. I admit, I am, and that's one obstacle I cannot even clear myself. A new relationship is always a new beginning. No matter how skeptical you get, you will eventually agree on the fact it is refreshing and the sweetness in your heart keeps you going everyday.

So, to leave or not? I think the answer lies with the strength of the bond between the couple, and the courage within you to embrace another world.

5 years, and I can't find someone who understands the eccentricity within me like you do. How did you ever do it? You always say that I do not allow others to know me for myself, but I tried.


Am I just alien or what?