aiyah...
confessions of a secret admirer went relatively okie i guess..
lol..

exams are nearing!!
super gan jiong loh..
honestly speaking,
i don't think i can finish my revision..
i'm like pumping 6-9 hours everyday into mugging..
hideout: school..
can't seem to concentrate at all at home..
too many temptations..


the worry is there for my friends..
friends who are working;
and friends who are not utilising their time to mug..
this is not an easy year friends!!
better work fucking hard man!!


goodluck to all!!

i guess no matter how well i play the cards,
i cannot phantom what is the other party thinking..
lol..
in any case,
everything seems to turn out relatively well..
relatively..
yup..
maybe it's bcz i have not been playing in this field for quite some time..
or maybe everyone else is getting smarter..
hahaha..
at least i finally got your attention..


so said randy,"just be a bastard.."
lol..
i finally come to realise the meaning of his words..


oh well,
here's a MERRY VALENTINE'S DAY to all singletons and lovely couples!!





等寂寞到夜深
夜已静荒凉
夜已静黄昏
莫道你在选择人
人亦同选择你
公平原没半点偏心
呼叫慢慢向着心里渗
何必抱怨
曾令醉心是谁人
自愿吻别心上人
糊涂换来一生泪印
何故明是痛苦伤心
还幸笑装开心
今天的你可怜还可悯

everything has been set into motion..
let's see if i can play cards properly...
hahaha...
*fingers crossed*


exams are nearing!!!
scared loh..
lol..
back to mugging!

he called me last night..
gave me some sound advice..
ya..
i really gave it some si-rai-ious thought..
maybe i should try right..
hahaha..
as he said, "it's never rational, it's never perfect.."
true..
it will only be perfect when i'm in it itself..
satisfied with a decision, i went to sleep..


happiness is shortlived!!!
i woke up to a twist!!
so, everything has changed now i see..
a bitter smile was all i could managed..
i have became the tinker..
so tinkering too much generates such negativity..
hahaha..


will it end there and then?
maybe i should just do what i do best..
lol..

it's a belated happy chinese new year..
ya..


don't know why but i have a bad feeling about this year..
which is also why i have quitted starhub..
like again...
lol..
reason: i really need to study!!


i know that i am a perfectionist..
so much so that i hate myself..
i hate myself for stagnating in this stage of life..
i hate myself for not being able to keep up with my expectations..
i hate myself for not taking the steps to acquire what i want..



friends say to get on with it lah..
easier said than done..
and there's the phrase, "doing is a quantum leap from imagination"
so, i supposed i should just set off after my goals right?


rationality tells me not to, because i have too much at stake..
and what are at stake one might ask..
i have lost the monetary equivalent of my life!
everyday, i see my peers out there, slogging their guts out for the monthly pay..
and i look at myself..
here i am, still stuck in school..
ya..
an alternative since i gave up on my previous degree..
and who is to blame for that?
myself.


and this is my second chance..
my final chance..


and then it happened again!
it freaking hell happened again!!!
i thought this shit will never happen to me ever again after the first failure!
so tell me what to do..
i don't want to take the gamble again..
i don't have enough to stake it all in..

he: what r u waiting for?
me: time..
he: do u really like ***?
me: what do u think?
he: i don't think so..
me: i cannot lose both at the same time.. my risk appetite is not great enough this time.. i have to wait..
he: but u have waited for a year already!!
me: ya i know..
he: so??
me: i don't know lah.. i can only wait for now..
he: wait wait wait.. later everything also don't have!
me: we'll see how it goes..


so they say depression strikes when we are feeling the effects of exam stress..
how true..