it's the story of us..
they don't have to know..
=)

a long time friend of mine commented that life in itself is boring
and it is what you do with life that makes it exciting..


how true..

yes!!
it worked!!
i'm just so happy to see your surprised and delighted expression..
and it amuses me that both of us thought of the same gift..
lol..








your laughter is so pure and innocent..
it has got me addicted..
i've got to make you laugh whenever i see you..

changes are around the corner..
new plans have been made..
excited!!








it's not much..
i wonder if you'll be surprised..

是一种花香 怎么吹她依然在
是快乐的门 只有她才能打开
是玫瑰的花瓣
满天飞舞飞进我胸怀
总给我 不安的 愉快


像雾又像花 无法证明它存在
像一颗流星 我无法跟它比赛
像早春的飘雪
多美丽终究不能依赖
像好梦 总是 醒得太快
我不是一个谈情说爱的天才
我没想到我的梦想 该也不该
来得快 走的更快
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
rationality tells me no,
heart says go..


the conflict goes on and on and on..

i think words are powerful..
ya..
the words you use in your everyday life,
they make or break you..


and you have actions..
and you have body language..

hell ya..
you need at least 3 senses to interact with a person efficiently..
sight, hearing, touch..


sometimes you just don't know what they want..
and that makes you ponder..
and the mind wanders..
and you get hell loads of different scenarios..
and so many different end games..
so which then is the right one?


beats me..








i'm stumped..
tell me,
what do you want?

feeling a bit hyper tonight..
might as well blog!


slept for 12hrs last night..
totally shagged out
but it wasn't a good sleep..
with dreams of which i can't remb,
and drenched in sweat because dear bro juz like to shut the windows when he sleeps..
nb..


ok bro finally made up his mind to get married next year!!
congrats!
yeah, i'm so thankful..
that i can finally have the room to myself!
hahaha..
hopefully dad doesn't have some idiotic ideas to violate my personal space again..
4 of us in 2 rooms,
then it became 3,
and now 2..
and the 2 in one room..
so gay right..
it's a 4 room flat for god's sake!!

and the whole house needs a renovation badly lah..


zzzzz

it's all prepared..
but i feel that there's something missing,
and i have no idea how to improve on that..
hmmm


i wonder if you will like it..
*fingers crossed*

it's the season of giving again!!
christmas is around the corner!
and the headache of what to buy for who is here too..
lol..
actually, rationality makes the decision for us all..
just buy/make for those dear to us..
the rest of you..
well, you guys are close to my heart too, just not that close at the moment..
hahaha..
rationality and reality are real bitches ya..


got myself a banana republic shirt and a ben sherman tee..
think they look great on me..
or rather, i look great in them..
lol..


leon told me he is joining the property boom next month..
KT jio me too..
truth is i am so tempted, but i have to think about agrader too..
i like agrader with all the negotiations and follow ups..
hell ya, as if i really like it so much..
but it is a partnership with kevan..
it's just unlike me to ring him up one fine day and say,"hey, let's call it quits. it's been nice working together."
on the other side, KT and leon are like flashing the pile of notes at me..
"time is money, and probably more." said KT..
ya, money and probably more..
and time is certainly not on my side..
opinion seeking time..
feel free to comment guys


you know sometimes when you meet a fair lady,
and after various interactions,
you just seem to know what she is thinking..
i don't know if you call that chemistry or just plain understanding..
the thought of me finishing your sentences with 90% hit rate scares me too..
hahaha..
truth is,
1. i did not install spy camera in your house, but the live feed is quite clear.
2. it's finanically impossible for me to x-ray your thoughts, maybe you bluetooth-ed them to me?
3. i just know what you are thinking most of the time..
4. it should not be me who is doing this.. ps: you know what i'm talking about.

i think i dreamt last night..
did i?
i can't remember too clearly..
don't remember most of my dreams anyway..


mother likes to shout when talking..
somebody tell her to speak in normal tones pls..

she said,
"I wanna find the guy that listens to me yet allows me to listen,
let me make all the decisions yet help me make the decisions,
and I will work hard but not that hard,
so he has to support me in any way possible."

wow.. lol..

questions for me?
ask and you'll be answered..
lol


she said that this space is filled with my emotions..
yes she is right..
this is the sanctuary for me to .....
ya you get it.








*sigh*
all the questions in the world for me..
who knows my question?
what is my question anyway?


do you know your question?

i'll admit, i am lazy..
lol.. lazy to update my blog..

can't seem to fall asleep, been tossing and turning in bed since 1am..
so what the hell, might as well make full use of my system overdrive time.


so school has started since late september..
final year le, and i've been relatively good!
been attending classes and doing my tutorials..
but the worry is there for the honors..

agrader has started again after the year end holidays..
wish us luck!!

met up with zhan peng, kenny and eric last night.
fook yew wasn't able to join us loh..
sad..
we were catching up on one anothers' life and stuff..
and i was asked the all important questions: so what have you been up to? got gf alr?
haha..
i think my replies surprised them quite a bit..

have been thinking about my future lately..
so old alr still studying for degree a bit lao kui hor..
anyway after graduation next year, i'm planning to get a job.
as to what kinda job i'll be looking for that has yet to be decided..
as for agrader, it will still be there running..
if growth rate is going exponential, then i will focus on it instead.
the aim is to generate enough customer base and open tuition center(s),
from where the co-ordination will still carry on..
of course when the whole process has gone into automation,
i'll definitely look for a job to broaden my horizon..
studying masters is an option i may seriously look into,
but that one still has much to consider about..
2 years of working experience leh..

love life?
lonely uncle loh..
got lah.. there's somebody..
but then she attached..
stupid right, i always like gals who are attached..
haha.. i can see myself still single at 35..
grandma keep saying that she wanna see us all get married before she leaves..
what the hell.. i don't think i can fulfill your wish grandma..
your grandson is not on wanted list.. bo bian..

mother just kp me..
hai~~ cannot sleep what you want me to do..
can't possibly ask me to lie on the bed n wait for sleep to claim me right..



actually my thoughts are full of you, you, you and you..
damn

wassup guys!!
finally decided to pick the book off the shelf for some dusting..
well it's been 2 mths since the last post too..


ya i know i disappeared..
i don't deny that; was practically buried in work.
pls visit www.a-grader.com
that's what which has consumed my time these days.
can't remember if i've introduce this to you guys before..
it's a tuition agency kevan and i have set up.
pretty neat eh don't you think?
i finally get to experience the anything and everything that goes into running your own business!!
it was a slow start, but business expanded quite fast i'll say..
of course there were quarrels between kevan and me,
but it does has its enjoyable and fun moments too.
bad decisions were made, lessons were learned;
ugly words were exchanged, praises were sung too..
all in all, it made me realised that teamwork is the synergy to get any organisation to grow..
in it we make up for one anothers' shortfall to create a balanced all-rounder team to face challenges..
it made me realise a bit more of myself, find out more about my strengths and weaknesses.


went thailand with dad, mom, eldest sis-in-law and her mom 13-15/07/09
took the plane for the 1st time in my life!!
hahaha.. quite an enjoyable experience.
thailand is quite a nice place..
people are friendly, very approachable.
girls are pretty too!
too bad my parents were around,
else would have flirted with the cute hotel front desk girls..
lol..
love the food, minus the large amount of chilli and spices.
one thing i observed about the thais was that they are genuinely happy.
no matter their living conditions, no matter their future, no matter their lives..
no matter what they are doing, they are happy,
contended with what little they have and make the best out of it.
look at us, city dwellers within one of the most successful nations in the world.
we have so much, bt we are not contended at all.
we are unhappy with our lives, we moan about what we do not have.
we yearn for more and more, demand more from everyone around us.
laughable, aren't we?
sharing the same room with mom and dad made me realised that life is really short..
the last time i share room with them was in primary school,
back when we wanted to enjoy the air-conditioner.
lol.. ya it's more than a decade ago, but still seem like yesterday.
look at myself now, 26 this yr.. dad is already 61, and mom is 53..
reality really dealt me a heavy blow in my guts was i laid on bed in the hotel room.
give it 2 more decades, and mom and dad will probably be laid to eternal rest...
all the hate, pain and anger bottled up within me these yrs seem just so childish..
we are still a family after all..
yup, how foolish of me to have wasted all these yrs..
so i've decided to mend the bridges, to communicate more with them..
i love you dad, i love you mom..


vincent left on 03/09/09 for a 2yr stint in seoul with nexon..
great uh?? the tall guy gets to bio all the pretty girls..
lol.. take care of yourself man..
dominic and i are going over next year after exams for a holiday.
yea!!


the results were released a few weeks ago.
yes i passed all but i am not happy at all.
my expectations were not realised.
now i'm left with my final 4 modules,
and they are my final chance at 2nd lower class.
all 4 modules!
man, got to really slog my life for the 2nd lower class!!
school is commencing this coming monday..


goodbye holidays, hello school
goodbye slacking, hello slogging

missing someone whom i should not be..
it's good to hear your voice..

the blog is not dead ok..
was busy busy with exams..
and yes, the nightmare is finally over!!
cya in another 12mths!!


yup, and i'm having a 3mths holiday~~
sounds great right??
haha..
it's not great at all man..


moving forward,
in a year's time, i'll be graduating..
and then, i'm out in the working society!!
waking up early in the morning every weekday,
dragging my feet to work when the sun is still sleeping..
man...
student life is definitely better by a long shot...
lol..


anyways,
wanted to look for a short internship..
but randy proposed that we go co-partnership in tuition coordination..
i accepted..
figured it's a good way to get some experience on setting up your own business,
managing conflicts, setting targets and achieving them etc..
this sure is going to get exciting!

wish us luck!!

how far can inconsideration go??


idiot made me wake up early in the morning,
not enough sleep never mind;
got bathed by the torrential rain,
wet never mind;
fucking bus got stuck in the fucking jam for half an hour,
cannot move never mind;
then idiot called me said he solved the bloody question last night!!
chee bye if i wasn't on the bus i think i would have screamed at him man..
c'mon lah,
at least drop me a message mah..
wasted half my fucking day,
tired, and now i'm sneezing like fuck!!!
then on my way back idiot said wanna go meet girlfriend for movie!!
so, i'm left with a wild goose chase,
and unable to get the problem solved because idiot is going out to make merry..


fuck lah, don't feel like talking liao lah..
just IDIOT lah!!!

i don't really care if my friends leave me for this..
ha! i don't know if they are friends in the first place, with all sincerity..
so, if you think you might feel offended, quit reading :)


yes exams are around the corner,
and yes, we are all nervous..
so yes, we naturally wanna do well for our papers..


what really baffles me is that where are the friends when you need them??
especially in dire times of need - desperation??
yes i can only have myself to blame for not attending classes..
lol.. but looking back, when you requested for help, were i not there for you?
and you?
and you??
i don't and hate to think that i have ever let any of them down when need was requested of me..
and, i did not ask for any favor or repayment in any kind..
what matters more than the friendship we have built together?


and there is mr lau..
this one really have to scold..
now that he is in desperate times,
he expects everyone to adhere to his requests..
throwing tantrums like a kid..
damn..
he is juz going hysterical!!
all the thoughts of knocking down peoples' doors just to force them to help him!!
like wtf lah..
hahaha..


anyway, these are my thoughts, my blog..
so if you are having any twinge of guilt after reading;
or angry or whatever,
don't be..


goodluck for your exams peeps!!

exams are less than 3 weeks away!!
damn..
i still have lotsa mugging to do!!


very tired recently,
probably from the revision ba..


i heard the song again!!
and again!!!
and again!!!!!
can't help but smile lah..
thinking of what have happened..
lol..
pretty silly don't you think??


ok, think that's enough for now..
gotta dive back into my notes!!
wish me lots and lots and lots of luck guys!! :-)

i think teaching is indeed the best and fastest way to learn..

it's been raining for the past few nights..
or days..
i can't remember..

and everytime it does,
one thing struck me..

have you ever seen rain come??
as in, you see its onslaught?

it's like a wave, or a torrent..
i heard it coming..
the sound of rain..
a torrent of heavy droplets from afar..
it's quick, and leaves no place, no nothing dry in it's wake..
i just love the feeling..
the feeling of dominance..
i love the rage it brings..
it's wrath bearing down on all as it descends from the heavens..
bringing wet judgement to all..
hahaha..
hell, yea..
i love the cool breeze that accompanies it too..
the breeze that always moves ahead, bringing with it the scent of rain to warn everything to take shelter..
then comes the judgement..
you will run, but you cannot hide from it..
the rain simply washes you over..
it has no friends nor foes..
it cleanses every nook and corner...


and a moment later, it's gone..
as quick as it has came..
and all that it leaves behind are just stains of it's presence..
which, given a few hours, will eventually evaporate into thin air..
but you remember that the rain was here before..

such is rain...

it's march 7..
tt's 3 weeks after i gave her a bunch of roses..
damages: wasted 2 friendships and wasted time to plug drain holes..
hahaha..

yea..
go ahead..
laugh at me..
because i'm laughing at myself too..

c'mon simon..
take a look in the mirror..
so much bitterness and anger w/i these few weeks..
is that really you??

looking back, i don't even recognise myself..
i was quick to judge, quick to hate, quick to rectify..
alas, all is lost..
or has it?
i don't know..

it was supposed to be a simple bouquet of roses meant for someone i have developed a tinge of romantic interest in..
so said the roses, so said thy heart, thy feelings..
well, i guess i have known the outcome before i set forth to task..
ya..
there are a billion "i should have, i should not have"..
nasty words in the heat of anger, irreversible actions done hastily..
ultimately, things have thus turned out this way..
fuck, there are a lot of things i wanna say..
but some are better left buried in me..
so let's make do with it shall we simon??

truth is, i only have myself to blame..

i'm sorry to you 2 for causing the confusion, hurt, anger and all..
shan't name names for the sake of privacy..
but you know who you are..

fuck, this is so edison chen lah.. knn..


by the way, homosapiens is just the biological term for human beings..

and i thought the worst of troubles are over..
ok i know this space is filled with unhappy, frustrated, angry words,
but what what the hell this is my space to whine about my life!


i know the rest of them do not like you a bit..
you are self-centered, bitchy, attention-seeking selfish and etc..
but i took pity on you given that i am your friend..
i was willing to overlook your shortcomings as a homosapien..
and that is why i try my best to get you to come along in our sessions..
i even shared with you some of my secrets..
never would i have thought that you will just blurt it out to her..
just like that..
you know, i really do not know what the fuck is your brain located..
it does not seem to sit atop of your head..
have you even considered the consequences of revealing secrets entrusted to you by others??
i just don't understand at all how could you fucking hell do this to me?!?!?!
you have shutted down communications between us..
just like that!
you have made the awkwardness between us so loud that even the world can hear it..
just like that!!
you have effectively threw the friendship i have painstakingly built over the year with her outta the window!!
just fucking like - that!!!!
ccb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and that was last night..
i did not wanna call and scream at you since everything is irreversible..
so now, you are effectively outta my life..



so i came back today deciding i will take a nap and study a bit..
and you walked in, saying i go JB for sleazy purposes..
what the fuck?!?!
where did that accusation come from?!?!!!!!
how can you accuse me of doing such things?!?!
are you saying that, i, of your very own blood, is a man of no morals and principles?!?!
if so, that shows how badly you have fared in my upbringing!!
you have failed in your basic duty!!!!


damnit!!!



and now both you two parties are the cause of my stupid knn back ache!!!
FUCKING HELL

stress is directly proportional to back ache

aiyah...
confessions of a secret admirer went relatively okie i guess..
lol..

exams are nearing!!
super gan jiong loh..
honestly speaking,
i don't think i can finish my revision..
i'm like pumping 6-9 hours everyday into mugging..
hideout: school..
can't seem to concentrate at all at home..
too many temptations..


the worry is there for my friends..
friends who are working;
and friends who are not utilising their time to mug..
this is not an easy year friends!!
better work fucking hard man!!


goodluck to all!!

i guess no matter how well i play the cards,
i cannot phantom what is the other party thinking..
lol..
in any case,
everything seems to turn out relatively well..
relatively..
yup..
maybe it's bcz i have not been playing in this field for quite some time..
or maybe everyone else is getting smarter..
hahaha..
at least i finally got your attention..


so said randy,"just be a bastard.."
lol..
i finally come to realise the meaning of his words..


oh well,
here's a MERRY VALENTINE'S DAY to all singletons and lovely couples!!





等寂寞到夜深
夜已静荒凉
夜已静黄昏
莫道你在选择人
人亦同选择你
公平原没半点偏心
呼叫慢慢向着心里渗
何必抱怨
曾令醉心是谁人
自愿吻别心上人
糊涂换来一生泪印
何故明是痛苦伤心
还幸笑装开心
今天的你可怜还可悯

everything has been set into motion..
let's see if i can play cards properly...
hahaha...
*fingers crossed*


exams are nearing!!!
scared loh..
lol..
back to mugging!

he called me last night..
gave me some sound advice..
ya..
i really gave it some si-rai-ious thought..
maybe i should try right..
hahaha..
as he said, "it's never rational, it's never perfect.."
true..
it will only be perfect when i'm in it itself..
satisfied with a decision, i went to sleep..


happiness is shortlived!!!
i woke up to a twist!!
so, everything has changed now i see..
a bitter smile was all i could managed..
i have became the tinker..
so tinkering too much generates such negativity..
hahaha..


will it end there and then?
maybe i should just do what i do best..
lol..

it's a belated happy chinese new year..
ya..


don't know why but i have a bad feeling about this year..
which is also why i have quitted starhub..
like again...
lol..
reason: i really need to study!!


i know that i am a perfectionist..
so much so that i hate myself..
i hate myself for stagnating in this stage of life..
i hate myself for not being able to keep up with my expectations..
i hate myself for not taking the steps to acquire what i want..



friends say to get on with it lah..
easier said than done..
and there's the phrase, "doing is a quantum leap from imagination"
so, i supposed i should just set off after my goals right?


rationality tells me not to, because i have too much at stake..
and what are at stake one might ask..
i have lost the monetary equivalent of my life!
everyday, i see my peers out there, slogging their guts out for the monthly pay..
and i look at myself..
here i am, still stuck in school..
ya..
an alternative since i gave up on my previous degree..
and who is to blame for that?
myself.


and this is my second chance..
my final chance..


and then it happened again!
it freaking hell happened again!!!
i thought this shit will never happen to me ever again after the first failure!
so tell me what to do..
i don't want to take the gamble again..
i don't have enough to stake it all in..

he: what r u waiting for?
me: time..
he: do u really like ***?
me: what do u think?
he: i don't think so..
me: i cannot lose both at the same time.. my risk appetite is not great enough this time.. i have to wait..
he: but u have waited for a year already!!
me: ya i know..
he: so??
me: i don't know lah.. i can only wait for now..
he: wait wait wait.. later everything also don't have!
me: we'll see how it goes..


so they say depression strikes when we are feeling the effects of exam stress..
how true..

i have great news to share!!


i'm pregnant!!!


lol...
just joking lah..


i'm leaving the fucked up place!!!
yea!!!
last day will be feb 2nd..
wah...
and my leave has been approved!!!
woohoooooooooooooo!!!
was so happy that my occupancy last night was 73%
record breaking okie...
wonder when was the last time i even hit 60%...
hahaha..


so guys and gals,
i'll be at the chalet for both days!!
cya!

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Disappointment   You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person. You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night. You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy. Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life. You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with. Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times. Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Being Alone
Losing Someone
Looked down on
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

as i was about to drift off to slumberland last night,
i just realised something..
my exams are REALLY REALLY near!!
i mean, ya i did know that..
but, when i think about the pile of unread notes on my desk...
that is something else altogether!
damn..
i have slacked for half a semester!!
and with that thought,
i almost could not sleep last night..
i have to admit,
it was and still is fucking scary lah!!!
hahahha..


anyway,
decided to wake up early today to tidy my desk..
yup it has been sometime since i last did any "desk-keeping"
at least i have more space now to work..


so next is to put the plan into action!!
jan - msm
feb - poa, me
mar - macro
apr - ibm











god help us all...

did i tell u that i have changed my handset??
ya.. my 3rd handphone..
it's a samsung pixon!!
yeap..
i know i have neva ventured any other brands other than nokia n sony ericsson..
but this handset is one that i cannot pass up!!
hahaha..
and it is working like clockwork..
well, at least it still is...
we see..
lol...


have been busy with the part time team chalet thingy..
credits goes to jian long for the funds collection,
and neeky for planning the food budget!
me?
well, i'm the organiser, so i dedicate taskes!
of course i make sure everything is ran smoothly..
see, jian long is rather busy nowadays,
and i cannot compromise efficiency..
so i relived him of his duties..
don't tell him pls..
hahaha..
and this is my final event for the part time team...
cannot stand the management anymore..


just paid for the exam fees..
2k right out of my own pocket!!
how i wish i can rob the cashier u know..
hahahaha..
all my hard earned money gone!!
well, not all, but u get the idea..

I passed my New Year Day holed up in bed from food poisoning..
suck...


but this bout of poisoning set off some thoughts..
was thinking how 2008 went for me..
did it really go the way i have wanted it to?
did i make the best outta last year?
the answer, sadly, was no..
i managed to stay true to myself..
by studying hard for my exams..
by slogging my ass off to fullfill my wants..
and that was all i really did!!
i did not manage to lose weight, save up more and travel..
aye...
i did not do so much..


looking at myself now,
i realised, my life is slipping through my grasp..
i am so much more prone to illness,
i am so lazy,
i am so unfit..
damn...
my finances are at a healthy level,
but i have not capitalise on the opportunities at hand to boost my financial power..
wasted..


also..
the feeling of loneliness is back..
and it really struck me point blank..
that i am no longer the 21yr old kid who has just finished National Service..
i am getting old..
and my peers are getting hitched and married..
and here i am, left walking after their shadows..
the hollow within me..


so what's my resolution for 2009?
same as per 2008's..
. . . . . . .
so this is life huh...
such a bitch it can be..
go on, laugh at me..











i hate myself for feeling this way..
and the stress is on me to deliver again..
to deliver for all your fun and laughter..
to deliver to fullfill your pride..
i feel so tired..


i just want to give up..
should i?