i think teaching is indeed the best and fastest way to learn..

it's been raining for the past few nights..
or days..
i can't remember..

and everytime it does,
one thing struck me..

have you ever seen rain come??
as in, you see its onslaught?

it's like a wave, or a torrent..
i heard it coming..
the sound of rain..
a torrent of heavy droplets from afar..
it's quick, and leaves no place, no nothing dry in it's wake..
i just love the feeling..
the feeling of dominance..
i love the rage it brings..
it's wrath bearing down on all as it descends from the heavens..
bringing wet judgement to all..
hahaha..
hell, yea..
i love the cool breeze that accompanies it too..
the breeze that always moves ahead, bringing with it the scent of rain to warn everything to take shelter..
then comes the judgement..
you will run, but you cannot hide from it..
the rain simply washes you over..
it has no friends nor foes..
it cleanses every nook and corner...


and a moment later, it's gone..
as quick as it has came..
and all that it leaves behind are just stains of it's presence..
which, given a few hours, will eventually evaporate into thin air..
but you remember that the rain was here before..

such is rain...

it's march 7..
tt's 3 weeks after i gave her a bunch of roses..
damages: wasted 2 friendships and wasted time to plug drain holes..
hahaha..

yea..
go ahead..
laugh at me..
because i'm laughing at myself too..

c'mon simon..
take a look in the mirror..
so much bitterness and anger w/i these few weeks..
is that really you??

looking back, i don't even recognise myself..
i was quick to judge, quick to hate, quick to rectify..
alas, all is lost..
or has it?
i don't know..

it was supposed to be a simple bouquet of roses meant for someone i have developed a tinge of romantic interest in..
so said the roses, so said thy heart, thy feelings..
well, i guess i have known the outcome before i set forth to task..
ya..
there are a billion "i should have, i should not have"..
nasty words in the heat of anger, irreversible actions done hastily..
ultimately, things have thus turned out this way..
fuck, there are a lot of things i wanna say..
but some are better left buried in me..
so let's make do with it shall we simon??

truth is, i only have myself to blame..

i'm sorry to you 2 for causing the confusion, hurt, anger and all..
shan't name names for the sake of privacy..
but you know who you are..

fuck, this is so edison chen lah.. knn..


by the way, homosapiens is just the biological term for human beings..

and i thought the worst of troubles are over..
ok i know this space is filled with unhappy, frustrated, angry words,
but what what the hell this is my space to whine about my life!


i know the rest of them do not like you a bit..
you are self-centered, bitchy, attention-seeking selfish and etc..
but i took pity on you given that i am your friend..
i was willing to overlook your shortcomings as a homosapien..
and that is why i try my best to get you to come along in our sessions..
i even shared with you some of my secrets..
never would i have thought that you will just blurt it out to her..
just like that..
you know, i really do not know what the fuck is your brain located..
it does not seem to sit atop of your head..
have you even considered the consequences of revealing secrets entrusted to you by others??
i just don't understand at all how could you fucking hell do this to me?!?!?!
you have shutted down communications between us..
just like that!
you have made the awkwardness between us so loud that even the world can hear it..
just like that!!
you have effectively threw the friendship i have painstakingly built over the year with her outta the window!!
just fucking like - that!!!!
ccb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and that was last night..
i did not wanna call and scream at you since everything is irreversible..
so now, you are effectively outta my life..



so i came back today deciding i will take a nap and study a bit..
and you walked in, saying i go JB for sleazy purposes..
what the fuck?!?!
where did that accusation come from?!?!!!!!
how can you accuse me of doing such things?!?!
are you saying that, i, of your very own blood, is a man of no morals and principles?!?!
if so, that shows how badly you have fared in my upbringing!!
you have failed in your basic duty!!!!


damnit!!!



and now both you two parties are the cause of my stupid knn back ache!!!
FUCKING HELL

stress is directly proportional to back ache