I have lost the plot.

A blog is supposed to be a dairy, an outlet of sorts for you to channel your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions into writing. It is supposed to help you release your joy, anticipation, frustrations, anger into words, so that normalcy will resume. That's what a blog is for me, that is.

Few weeks ago, a friend knew that I'm feeling down since the exams, given the bleak outlook on stepping into the coporate world and such. I told her I'll put everything into words to relieve the suppressed thoughts. I did not.

I read what I write. And you will realise that I am full of mixed emotions and signals. Not that I do not know what I want, which for the record I do know, but it is the resurgence of feelings I will experience again when I read my posts. Some make me smile, some make me laugh, some make me sad, some make me teary. Neutrality is preferred over the spectrum of emotions.


Some promises, though made, but can never be fulfilled.

Sometimes,
you know that you have nil chance of being together,
not in this life-time anyway..
But you still want to be there,
just for that special person..

Ready to catch her if she falls,
ready to lend her a listening ear,
ready for her in every way possible..

All that,
just to be there,
if she turns around one day..




Ain't it laughable?

Yes, I do laugh at myself sometimes..

I have been staring at the blinking cursor for like 10min before deciding what to write. Lol.. If you know me, you will know me to be a sentimental person who likes to reminisce about the past. Anyhow, it's time for some updates.




Exams are finally over! Monetary Economics is a killer subject, or so it seems to me. But I think the paper itself is somewhat manageable. Not too hard, not a walk-over either. Either way, I'm just glad that I have crossed the finishing line, after 6 years. Yes, 6 years of university life. For the benefit of those who are confused, I did a 2 year study in Electrical and Electronics Engineering at NTU before deciding that I don't want to be an engineer for the rest of my life; so I withdrew from my course and enrolled into SIM-UOL reading Economics and Management for the next 3 years. So now, it seems I have completed my degree, more or less. All that remains is for the final results to be out, and my convocation in April next year.


Looking back, it has been quite a ride. I know there were some who made negative remarks on my choices in life, but the support from others are of enough courage to see me for this 3 years. And I'll like to thank my family and friends, all who have stood by me through this journey. The post-NTU period was particulary trying for me, 3 months of internal conflict within myself whether I have made the correct choice. So it seems now, it was the best, and the correct decision. Given that, I'll like to thank Jared, Leon, Pele and Robin for the guidance shown in my studies.




Moving on, there were the 2 years at Starhub as a Customer Care Consultant. I entered the company a complete shithead, knowing nuts about the outside world. Jen was however, able to see a sparkle in me, and gave me the chance. Dealing with different people from all walks of life really changed me. I learned to communicate better, bring my ideas across to others more effectively. Of course, mixing with the colleagues there influenced my idea of fashion. Hahaha.. So hence my fashion sense today. Anyway, I'll like to reserve special thanks to Adam, Chiam, Michael, Dominic for grooming me, and Leon, Geraldine, Valerie, Neeky, ZW for the great friendship and wonderful times in call centre. I will try to organise another JB trip or chalet for us again this year.




Then there was AGrader with Kevan. It was filled with much fulfilled ambitions when I left. Regrets, but we all learn to live with regrets don't we? It's what which teaches us, and shapes us. I am proud though to say that I have had a hand in managing a company, no matter how small it may seem. And it's no easy feat mind you. We have to go around putting up posters in the wee hours of the night because Kevan did not want to let people see him doing it. "Paiseh lah", those were his exact words. Lol.. We managed to get the agency to where we wanted it to be, but alas, the partnership did not go as plan. I will say that I am bored of customers bargaining over 50 cents, and Kevan's authoritative and overbearing manner. So, it's best for us if I leave, since he came up with the idea of the agency anyway. Anyhow, I'm still grateful for the chance to work together with him, and experiencing the inner workings of running a company. Thanks Kevan, and I wish you all the best with AGrader.




Oh, not to forget Sherlynn, my ex-girlfriend. Yes, she left me for greener pastures, indirectly causing the cascade of events from NTU. No I no longer love her, but we remain as friends, close friends in fact. Funny thing isn't it? In 2005 I was telling her how I envisioned our lives together, and now, 5 years later, I'm giving her my congratulatory wishes on her pregnancy, nearly 9 months in fact. Congrats Sher, and thanks for the support!




Of course I did not forget you. You know who you are. Lol. Your views influenced bit part of my thinking, and your cheerful nature never fail to light up my day. You are certainly a surprise-mistake in my life, and I'm thankful for that pleasant turn of events. Thank you very much. Enjoy the fun while you can, and you know you can always come to me when things go south.




So now, the next stage of my life - work. I have gone for a few interviews - Citigold, DBS, UOB. The offers are good, within my expectations, but I have decided on DBS Branch Relationship Manager, stationed at Clementi Central. 5 weeks of training and the real thing comes. Family and friends, please do not run away when you see me or hang up when I call you ok!! :)




Cheers for the new life, new challenges, and hopefully, the void can finally be filled...












Do you remember the times of your life?

3 papers down, 1 more to go!! MM paper was a shocker, but still manageable. I think 50 is a good estimation. ISORG paper was pretty easy but I screwed it up by writing out of context! OTIA paper is famous for its high failure rate (60% annual failure rate), and I could not finish it. Damn.. Hopefully can get 40 or so. Final paper on June 2 - MONEC. Have enlisted Robin's help for this.. Must get at least 50 to hit my 2nd lower.. Pray for me!!


Sometimes when the relationship gets sour, the first thing we will try to do is to resolve the issue. That is natural of course, if you love your partner. Still, there will be people out there who, instead of trying to learn the circumstances of the situation, drove straight into conclusions. Conclusions they made up from lack of information, and of course, rationality.

This will only serve to drive a larger wedge between the couple. I think pride, ego and selfishness are the 3 prime evils in any relationships. Of course there is the element of money, but that is a minor issue.

So when the relationship reaches a boiling point, the next thing that comes is - do we jump ship? Jumping ship is not an easy process. Most of us would say that they do not want to go through the process of knowing another person all over again in the future because it is tiring. True, I agree with them, but to a certain extent. I think what they are more afraid of, is getting over the current one. The effects of him/her in your life right now. The inter-dependecy, the bond the memories. You don't walk away unscathed. In fact you walk away with just as much pain in your heart as your partner.

And going into a new relationship, though the least of your worries, is impacted by the experiences of your previous ones. Bounded rationality. You are afraid, yes. I admit, I am, and that's one obstacle I cannot even clear myself. A new relationship is always a new beginning. No matter how skeptical you get, you will eventually agree on the fact it is refreshing and the sweetness in your heart keeps you going everyday.

So, to leave or not? I think the answer lies with the strength of the bond between the couple, and the courage within you to embrace another world.

5 years, and I can't find someone who understands the eccentricity within me like you do. How did you ever do it? You always say that I do not allow others to know me for myself, but I tried.


Am I just alien or what?

I am reading my previous post, and everything just seems so random and inconsistent.


My thoughts are not in sync. Something is troubling me but I can't put a finger on it.


I hate this feeling.

A lot of things on my mind lately. Studies, exams, holidays, work.. The final exams are nearing, and I don't seem to be able to absorb the stuff on my notes. Adding to that, I can't find the motivation to sit through 6-7hrs like I used to. I can't focus. And I'm frustrated that my holiday plans are thwarted, by absolutely lousy organisers. If you don't know it yet, I detest inefficient people and I don't like to waste time. Then there is work. I am still unable to decide on which career path I want to take. I am interested in the area of business development, but it seems vacancies aren't a lot.


I realised that I don't know my friends well enough. They can do the craziest thing and still seem all normal about it. I think I'm the odd one out, or maybe I'm just not in their league. I think I never had. Some things are just unacceptable no matter how I look at it. Am I living in the 90s still?


I need to make peace with myself.

It has been really really damn freaking hot these few weeks! I think the heat has fried zillions of my brain cells. LOL. Apparently it is, because I'm saying lame stuff to everyone. Headaches, butt sweats, smelly armpits, dry throat, etc etc, I think we all have them, and that got me wondering what have we done to deserve Mother Nature's wrath?

So I did some reading up, and realised that Earth is dying!! Or maybe, retaliating against our inconsiderate actions.

The pictures above are left: satellite image of the Aral Sea, 1989, and right: satellite image of the Aral Sea, 2008. As extracted from Wikipedia:-
 The Aral Sea is a saline endorheic basin in Central Asia; it lies between Kazakhstan in the north and Uzbekistan, in the south. The name roughly translates as "Sea of Islands", referring to more than 1,500 islands that once dotted its waters.

Once among the four largest lakes of the world with an area of 68,000 square kilometres, the Aral Sea has been steadily shrinking since the 1960s after the rivers that fed it were diverted by Soviet Union irrigation projects. By 2007 it had declined to 10% of its original size, splitting into three lakes – the North Aral Sea and the eastern and western basins of the once far larger South Aral Sea. By 2009, the south-eastern lake had disappeared and the south-western lake retreated to a thin strip at the extreme west of the former southern sea. The maximum depth of the North Aral Sea is 42 metres (as of 2008).

The region's once prosperous fishing industry has been virtually destroyed, bringing unemployment and economic hardship. The Aral Sea region is also heavily polluted, with consequent serious public health problems. The retreat of the sea has reportedly also caused local climate change, with summers becoming hotter and drier, and winters colder and longer.

There is now an ongoing effort in Kazakhstan to save and replenish the North Aral Sea. As part of this effort, a dam project was completed in 2005; in 2008, the water level in this lake had risen by 12 metres from its lowest level in 2003. Salinity has dropped, and fish are again found in sufficient numbers for some fishing to be viable. However, the outlook for the remnants of the South Aral Sea remains bleak.

Just look at how, opportunistic behaviour of humans, fuelled by greed, can lead to such consequences. Just like this, we are close to losing one of the four largest lakes in the world! I happened to come across this article on Yahoo News about UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's visit to the area, and I was utterly shocked. And I doubt most of us even know that such lakes existed.


Here's another extract from Wikipedia:-

Global warming is the increase in the average temperature of Earth's near-surface air and oceans since the mid-
20th century and its projected continuation. Global surface temperature increased 0.74 ± 0.18 °C between the start and the end of the 20th century. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) concludes that most of the observed temperature increase since the middle of the 20th century was very likely caused by increasing concentrations of greenhouse gases resulting from human activity such as fossil fuel burning and deforestation. The IPCC also concludes that variations in natural phenomena such as solar radiation and volcanic eruptions had a small cooling effect after 1950. These basic conclusions have been endorsed by more than 40 scientific societies and academies of science, including all of the national academies of science of the major industrialized countries.

Climate model projections summarized in the latest IPCC report indicate that the global surface temperature is likely to rise a further 1.1 to 6.4 °C during the 21st century. The uncertainty in this estimate arises from the use of models with differing sensitivity to greenhouse gas concentrations and the use of differing estimates of future greenhouse gas emissions. Most studies focus on the period leading up to the year 2100. However, warming is expected to continue beyond 2100 even if emissions stop, because of the large heat capacity of the oceans and the long lifetime of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

An increase in global temperature will cause sea levels to rise and will change the amount and pattern of precipitation, probably including expansion of subtropical deserts. Warming is expected to be strongest in the Arctic and would be associated with continuing retreat of glaciers, permafrost and sea ice. Other likely effects include changes in the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, species extinctions, and changes in agricultural yields. Warming and related changes will vary from region to region around the globe, though the nature of these regional variations is uncertain.

Greenhouse effect schematic showing energy flows between space, the atmosphere, and earth's surface. Energy exchanges are expressed in watts per square meter.

So if you still do not understand, let Professor Simon put it in simple terms for you:

Our daily actions contain carbon output. For example, switching on the air-conditioner or taking your car for a spin. The carbon output will accumulate over time, and with industrialisation has led to much deforestation globally, there is just not enough trees and plants to absorb the carbon dioxide. The excess carbon dioxide are thus gathered in the upper atmosphere because of their relative lighter mass, blanketing the Earth. Isn't that a good thing? No, that is not benefical to us at all. The trapped heat from carbon dioxide output will circulate around Earth continuously, leading to unusual climate changes which is what we are facing now. The ice glaciers are already melting, and the rate at which it is going means some low lying coastal countries will be submerged within the next 100 years. Moreover, we all need sunlight to survive, especially plants. Without sunlight, Earth's temperature will fall gradually, leading to the next Ice Age. That is one scenario that we humans, also known as homosapiens, will become extinct. Yes, extinction, our desendents will perish due to our actions. You may think that in another 100 years you are long gone, laid to eternal rest, all decomposed and smelly. So you probably won't care. Stop and take a look around you, do you think your ancestors will want these to befall on you? I don't think so. Or maybe you will think that you are just one single person on Earth, surely what you do will not affect the rest much. You are absolutely wrong. What we are facing today is the accumulated effect of billions of people who thought the same way as you. These has to stop, or at the least, reduced.

Education is the way to go. Educate the people around you. Explain to them the consquences of their results. You can choose to enjoy life, the way I do. Turn off the computer if you are not going to use it rather then set it to sleep mode. Switch off that air-conditioner, and turn on your fan. Yes it may not yield the same effect, but it is little things in life that matters most. Just like love! So go on and spread the love around, start from today and you may just save a better tomorrow.

On  a lighter note, take a look at this:

Leon and me were mugging at Fajar McDonald's last evening through to this morning around 5am (uber shag I tell u), and there was this group of uncles who came in to catch liver soccer telecast Almeria vs Real Madrid. Final score was Almeria 1-2 R.Madrid. This uncle in particular was damn funny! He placed bets on R.Madrid to win by 1 and 2 goals difference, so he kept commenting on the players. When C.Ronaldo squandered a few chances when he was through onto goal, the uncle said."yi boh gao gang hu lah. jit eh ai dam poh gang hu jia eh lip eh." Translated as "He not skill enough lah. This one need some skill one." Uche kept harassing R.Madrid's defence, and the uncle went,"jit eh or gui si bei lui hiam. mai ti siao leh kan ni na." Means "This blackie damn dangerous. Don't play leh. knn." And when Benzema came on, he commented,"uah ji kor gui lip lai. jit eh shi ji jia gui lai eh." Translated as "Sub in a bull. This one is a bull man." LOL!! We laugh until cramp loh. Hahaha.. Look at his sitting posture, one leg on a chair each, all at 4am in the morning. LMAO.


Oh, and yes, I finally know how to insert pictures in my posts. :))

It's good to see you again..

I kinda miss chatting with you..

First and foremost, I want to thank Susan for her big help in designing the pictorial header. It's really nice don't you think so? Lol.. 'Carpe diem' may not be the best quote but I could not think of anything else at the moment when she asked me. Hahaha. Anyhow, it's still nice! Thank you Susan!


The recent headlines seem to be very much on local director Jack Neo and his scandals. And before that we have Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley Cole showing the world their sexcapades, all within the last few months. My, my, fame and its side effects. It seems to me that with money and fame, men tend to hunger for more. Kevan and I had this discussion once, that once you get rich, your definition of desires is at a whole new level. The scandals are somewhat like shoplifting; you are nervous and scared initially, but as you repeat the process over and over again, confidence brews in you, and you become bold and rash. That's when you get careless, and something will slip. Thank you so much for showing the world how bad us men can be. Trading your family, marriage, career for sex, lust, pleasure and thrill, is it really worth it all? What about the marriage vows made in the presence of family, relatives, and friends? Tsk. Hence the term 'dickhead'.


Exams are looming in the horizon. May it is. Give me your blessings people, for I will need them to get my 2nd Class Lower Honors! :)

I have always thought that in being helpful to others, they will respond in kind to you. How stupid can I get. We live in this dog-eat-dog world of insanity. Help offered is often practically snatched off your hands without so much a word of thanks. Okay maybe they do thank you, but the sincerity of it is debateable. Sometimes, when help is constantly offered, it becomes a norm, a must that you have to offer it such that if you were to one day not do it, people will think that you are being selfish. How the fuck did we turn out like this? Beats me.

Anyhow, I only have myself to blame for this. I think I will learn to be selfish. It doesn't help for me to waste my time on others who choose to make merry and come to me in times of need. I don't want to see your pathetic face when you come begging me for help anymore; because you don't love yourself, you don't help yourself, so why should I help you?

A leopard never changes its spots.

I should really just make myself happy first, rather than the rest.


Kim Thiam asked me why are there always so many kids crowding out the Mac everyday. My reply: When you are young, you don't have much pocket money. So dining out at the Mac is considered a luxury. Of course, as you grow older, expectations and standards rise too, so your concept of luxury changes, and therefore you do not frequent the Mac.

This reminds me of what Yvonne once said,"I wish we can all remain young, like pri sch kids. No stress, no burden. Everything is so simple. I want that kind of life." Yea, I want that kind of life too. I bet we all do, but reality does not allow us the luxury. Life is about making choices, the right ones at the right time. But how many times are we truly able to choose the one most favourable to us? More often than not, it's the case of making the best choice, termed satisficing. How unsatisfying. 


Alright, enough crapping, time for me to bury myself in the pile of notes. I did some calculations, and right now I need a total of 201 marks from the final 4 modules to get my 2nd Class Lower honors. I need a tremendous amount of luck and mugging. Please pray for me!


So stressed up right now, and I'm constantly stuffing myself with food. I wish someone can ask me out for ktv. I'm dying to scream my lungs out. Lol..








Je vous manque

i have been drinking quite a fair bit over the past few weeks.
that's so unbecoming of me.
i have been coming home late for the past few weeks.
that's so unbecoming of me.
i have not been catching up on my revision.
that's so unbecoming of me.

i have wasted a lot of time.
that's very unbecoming of me.


it's time to stop the nonsense.

it's time to go into retreat.




i love my friends.
please love yourselves too.

ok this is going to be a quick one before i get knocked out..


was out today with geraldine & wayne..
ended up in a ktv pub owned by a friend of wayne.
think it's called chit chat ktv pub or something..
anyway the next thing i know we were drinking and drinking..
and drinking..
all 3 of us were like damn high lah..
and the both of them sang..
well i didn't sing much..
but geraldine commented that my singing was quite nice..
hahaha..
thks!


ok enough of the crap..


i just wanna say,








MY THOUGHTS WERE OF YOU..
I JUST WANNA WRAP YOU IN MY ARMS & NEVER EVER LET YOU GO..


I MISS YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH

you know sometimes you have a lot of things on your mind,
and you just want to unload it somewhere.
and this is my unloading bay, my outlet..
i know i have one or two readers whom i don't really know,
not personally, like bf/gf of friends or whatever..
for those who really know me,
i'm the rational man who usually will think of every scenario possible.
but when my limits are being pushed,
i can get pretty expressive and i won't hold back.
what i want to tell you is that,
i don't really care if i offend anyone in the process of verbalising my thoughts.
hmmm..
i did, but that was over a year ago..
who cares, it's over anyway, collateral and all..


i do read others' blogs.
i know i have no right to be critical of theirs,
but i just find it strange that there is so much left unsaid..

the moment which you live in now passes by even before you know it.
we know that time is precious, but not many truly grasp the underlying meaning..
the decision you make now may seem unimportant,
but it is the little things which happen in life that affect the larger part of it..


i have done things which i regretted.
and i will have to live with these regrets for life.
yes they do mould me into who i am today,
but sometimes i wish i could have done more
rather than leave things for another day.
and that day will never come..





to all my readers,
treasure the person beside you.
because your tomorrow depends on your actions today
carpe diem








je t'aime

i'm just sad that we are unable to communicate..
i took pains to understand the world you came from,
your struggles, your aspirations..


have you ever bothered to understand mine??


your actions speak plainly for itself..


disappointed..
i think we can never hope to converse like others do..
that's the sad truth..

why does someone has to piss me off??
i just don't understand..


if you are not doing it,
then don't point and order me about..
you are not fit to do so!!

i'm so tired of your false accusations already..
i'm not your punching bag.


i'm just afraid that one day,
i will no longer be able to suppress the rage inside of me..








i realise after so long,
i still have not forgiven you for what you have done to me..
maybe i never will,
since you have never given me any chance to..

i saw the invite on facebook..
"cny reunion for zhenghua pri sch alumni"
i look at the people being invited..


sigh~


i can't remember more than half of them..
i look again..


sigh~


their lives reminds me of my failure..


sigh~


failure, and it's costs..


SIGH~

revision was good today..
did quite a fair bit..
hopefully i'll complete monec by the end of next week..




had a good evening in plaza mac..
i think whenever hui zheng and i meet,
we will just talk non-stop..
lol..
















there were 2 people in this world who i can't lie to..
now it's 3..

you, with your little imperfections, are just perfect..

i want to ask a million of u,
but i did not..
i just can't bring myself to..


maybe one day i will,
when i'm over myself..








but deep down you already know what i will ask for..

"I totally wanna give u a big great hug!"
that sentence,
the feeling..
ineffable..

your laughter resonates through my head

i will say,
i miss you,
everyday,
in every post..


but i will not be seen as a fanatic..
i will not display my weakness..








it's enough that you know..
that's enough for me..

joke of the day:

i was about to go to bed,
and guess what..
i'm afraid to sleep because i'm afraid to dream..


got a nightmare last night..
and it's been years since i last had a nightmare..


makes me feel so pathetic..
like some kid..
think i've lost my balls..
fuck man what's wrong with me

the incidences of coincidences occurring are getting greater and greater..
cannot be right..
where got so 巧的..


always missing each other by a bit..
or thinking about the same stuff..
or whatever whatever..
hai~~


morning she got motion sickness..
evening i got motion sickness..
what the hell..


i wonder what's next..
hmmm

exchanging stories is so fun!!
hahaha..

so worried but there's nothing i can do about it..

history shows that i seem to have a liking for girls who are attached..
how strangely coincidental can it get..
lol..




i woke up this morning thinking that you were here with me..
only to realise it's just a dream..








when will my dreams turn into reality.. 

pele complained that i don't blog about him..
what the hell...
so ya..
pele, i am reserving this post just for you man..
lol..


pele is my boyfriend in school.
ya you read that right..
i'm not homo, neither is he..
but we are just. you know, broke-back brothers!!
this man is such a nice guy..
he will scan my student card for me,
chop seat for me,
lend me notes to copy,
etc etc..
so sweet right!!


ya, that's pele for you..
and he's single..
with a cute pot belly..


up for grabs i supposed??
i don't mean his tyres though..
=)

someday..


one day..


=)

i miss you..


but i miss you not..

broken promises,
broken trust..


don't say it if you don't mean it..

为何爱上你的是我
我只是路过的戏份
却又不愿升上白旗


今夜的你会想起我吗？

disappointed..
but life goes on..


frustrated..
we live in a world of lies and deceit..


hope..
leon: you are hoping for too much..
am i?


headache..
tomorrow is so going to be a bad day for me..


tired..
i am having problems sleeping again..


disappointed, frustrated, hope, headache, tired..
pretty much sums up my fucked up day..


gdnite

what do we all live for?








i live for hope, love,
and what that is to come..


what about you?

i guess it wasn't as hard as i have imagined..
basically you just need to talk & talk,
see their reactions, body language,
guage their thoughts,
and react accordingly..
lol..
the tough part is in the sourcing and coordination..


shopping list for the new year:
1. a pair of brown leather shoes
2. new handphone
3. can i shop for money??

will be in yishun in about 12hrs' time..
tinkering with the minds of potential flat buyers..
this is going to be really fun..
hahaha..
and hopefully, close a deal!
wish me luck!

definitely sober now..
lol..


early celebration for neeky's birthday last night..
venue: new york new york @ citylink
activity: dinner
review: food portion is uber big, and relatively yummy too
however the service level of the staff is very low..
verdict: 8/10 (recommended dining place for large groups)


popped by wine bar to chill out..
and i have no idea why i became the one who is supposed to finish all the beer!!
i certainly did not order tt!
lol..
anyway got a little high after that..
needed a few puffs to kill off the feeling..


congrats to neeky for passing her driving test!!
yeah!! finally got one more person to chauffeur me around

i'm not all that sober right now.
i mean, i still am sober, but not totally sober..
hell, in short, it means i'm a little high..
haha..


high i may be,
but i do know what i am doing right now..


hmmm...
it doesn't hurt once in a while to let my fingers run along with my heart


i just wanna tell you that,
i miss you lots..
wished that you were there with us today.


someone said that love is erratic,
like a volcano.
it erupts without warning,
spilling it's magma and toxic gases.
and all of a sudden,
it subsides as unexpectedly..


i think love is just a nurturing of bond between 2 people..
i don't believe in love at 1st sight,
maybe because i have not encounter it before..
in any case, i believe love is pure, innocent, fun, exciting..
i believe love is about acceptance, tolerance..
and with it comes the other end of the spectrum too..
i know, after 4yrs,
i'm in love again..


i lie on my bed staring at the stars,
waiting for sleep to claim my soul tonight..
where will you be my sweetheart..
why does my heart ache thus much?
do you feel the rhythmic pumping of my heart?








i hope i will never have to hear you say the final sorry to me..
i'll wait, just don't break my heart like they did..

so something did happen..
just can't believe that my parents did not inform me before calling the plumber..
how many i supposed to use the bathroom??
i mean i needa get out by 6pm,
and there they are,
the plumbers trying to fix the broken toilet bowl..
and they are working like damn freaking slow!
hai~~


i wanna shheee shhhee also cannot!!
damn

woke up this morning with an empty feeling..
damit
this isn't a good time for me to get all emotional.






have a bad feeling about this evening..

hit the sack around 8.30pm last night..
and the next time i opened my eyes,
it 9.30am!
13hrs of sleep!
wah that's damn rare..
my daily sleeping hours average between 6-7hrs.
13hrs is twice of that already,
like i'm sleeping for 2 days!
lol..
okk enough of the crap.




contacted a few leads yesterday,
and i was pretty surprised that they want to look for a new flat.
i mean CNY is coming,
like a bit weird to change units now..
anyhow, it's still money to be earnt.
smell it!!












apparently you are not being pampered enough,
hence the illness..
hahaha..
get well soon!

won't it be nice if you can wake up smiling everyday?
i'll wish for that..


i glanced at the seat beside me..
the empty seat..
how i wish you were here..
your laughter will fill the space between us,
and nothing else really matters..

i felt relief washed over me..
lol..
i finally let loose..
so it's bye bye come end of jan for tuition,
and hello property!!
a bit sad to see my efforts plugged,
but lessons have been learnt,
so it's time for the next challenge..
=)

this is the 2nd time you gave me that look again..
eyes that tell me you have something to say,
but just cannot bring yourself to...








one day,
i really really hope that,
you will say those magic words to me..








i just want to take you into my embrace,
and let the world fade away..

i miss you

it's not that i hate you or anything..
it just your attitude towards me isn't like how partners should treat each other
and we are not exactly making sufficient profits..


how do i tell you that i want out?



kevan: do u love her?
me: lol.. what a question to ask. but i guess, i am starting to. everything about her just seem perfect to me.
kevan: oh..
-silence-
me: it's kinda wrong to ask me this question isn't it?
kevan: lol..
-silence again-
me: i think she caught the rhythm to my heart.


 






there are just some things that once said
will forever change the bond between us..
so am i supposed to whisper them into the tin can
and bury it under the tree?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
it's 2010..


i hope you guys had a fantastic time at the countdown!
i was slacking at home,
with my phone and tv for company..


new year,
new beginning..
so comes the resolutions..


not much..
you know,
for the past few years,
every year is the same to me..
and so are my resolutions..


here goes my resolutions for 2010:
1. get my degree
2. earn big $$$$$
3. be happy, really happy


lol.. yup it's that simple..
of course there are others i have in mind,
but with the everchanging environment,
i don't know what will come next..
best to keep it simple..

so what is/are your new year resolution(s)?








you are the first in my thoughts when i open my eyes everyday..
i guess infatuation just took on a different level..